6 Months!!!

YAY!! It has been 6 months since I have been FREE of Effexor and big pharma drugs.

A lot has happened. I have now lost about 30lbs and I feel pretty damn good. I have a different sense of awareness now about everything. It might be a little OCD, but it is better than being mind-screwed by chemicals. I have realized that I have to learn coping mechanisms because my emotions have been mildly deadened since I was 15. No wonder I used to get into so many fights with people/friends/family, I never felt right. I craved feelings of sadness, anger and doubt constantly, while on the outside looking ever so happy. The drugs do terrible things to your mind, which convey into your soul and show eventually through your body.

Speaking of that, I have learned that I cannot care. Not in a way that is mean or harsh-spirited but in a way that I have to allow people to make their own mistakes and not be angry. Just the other day I got so frustrated because someone I know was almost bragging about being put on psycho-pharma drugs. They took a random test and now truly believe they have one of those made-up psychological diseases. I felt like screaming "don't you know that you are going to ruin your mind?, don't you know that it is ALL fake and you are just buying some random doctor's vacation home?, aren't you SMART enough to realize that you control yourself and a pill will NOT make you better?" There were so many thoughts going through my mind because I went through it, it was hard and I wish that someone told me at 15 not to take the pills. Yet, this person thinks its "cool" to take amphetamines. Someday they will play the victim card when they go through psychosis, have early dementia, heart attacks or worse. Their entire view is to laugh and thinks its okay because they have "researched it" probably on WebMD or some other profit-driven excuse for a health website.

But how many people are walking around today trusting doctors blindly and never taking control of their own life? Staying glued to the media and constricting their beliefs for the beneficial doubt created by the profiteer? Hell, I was one of them not very long ago.

So basically I need to learn to control my emotions and take caring into consideration. I need to step back and understand that I cannot control this person I speak of above and that there are TONS of people ($330 billion worth) who are taking big pharma's pills and thinking they are better off. I cannot change the world and I need to accept that fact. People are still going to touch the stove even if you say they will get burnt.

You know, before, when I was on Effexor I would have probably cried and went overboard about situations similiar. Now I try to realize the problem and take steps to overcome. That is what being human is for me. It is learning, coping and changing while experiencing it all at once. I sometimes miss the mindless drone feeling that Effexor gave me, or the super fast high feeling that amphetamines gave me when I was younger but I would never give my humanity up for something like that again. That is a good feeling.

For the first couple of months my body went through some crazy changes. Whenever I felt the slightest bit of happiness I would tear up a little. I found myself constantly fighting the urge to cry. (To cry in a good way, but still) I can almost feel my brain re-wiring itself and my emotions coming back to me. No actually, the brain shocks during withdrawaling was feeling the re-wiring, LOL.

Okay, I must sleep. I just wanted to update on where I stand today, about 6 months off Effexor!! I am changing, shifting, growing and I love it...