I haven't posted in a while and I am happy about it. For a long time I found myself posting when I was angry, depressed or having physical problems due to withdrawals. Lately I have been smooth sailing. I have found myself researching and reading things that I want to learn about rather than trying to find others who are feeling the same pains as myself. Though I still want to reach out to people who are going through the same thing, I am gaining comfort in not actively looking for others who feel the same brain shocks and tremors as I did while withdrawing. I hope people who are going through it and brave enough to take the plunge find my blog or others like it and know they are not alone and the feelings they have do actually exist. We as a society are constantly brain washed into believing to blindly follow and trust the people in authority (doctors, etc.) Life only becomes living when you blindly follow your own intuition and trust yourself. I have found that I couldn't do that while being on antidepressants that chemically changed my own natural being. They didn't simply make me a better person as each advertisement campaign longs to make you believe. They make you a shell of someone you want to be more like. They allow you to swallow this little capsule which you magically think will change your faulty human brain into something more beautiful. True beauty is seeing the faults and allowing those faults to be small miracles of existence. It is dancing with the ups and downs of life and not actively trying to change them. The more you struggle, the more you will drown.
Doing something as painful as getting off antidepressants has opened my eyes to our constant unconscious suffering and the dance we all must do to live life. People constantly hide this suffering and try to change themselves for the sake of what other people think of you. What you perceive other people to think becomes your own thinking and that constant nagging in the back of your mind destroys life. Let life live through you and not through your ego. This is just a small portion of what I have learned and how I am coping with the ups and downs of life.
I have found myself reading more on spirituality, parenting and even cooking/baking. I love having passions other than trying to change myself!
On another note on the the process of withdrawing or protracted withdrawals, I have been having a lot of joint problems this year and other random things which I have never experienced before. I experienced carpel tunnel, my knee has a torn meniscus and I have random pain in my feet/other places. My asthma seems to be doing better and I think/hope the rebound of advair/singulair is finally tapering off. I had a scary situation where my lungs closed up on me after using a "bath bomb" which is a smelly ball you put into the tub. I ended up going to a pulmonologist who said my lungs were fine and I just had an allergic reaction. I took a breathing test and he said my asthma was functioning just fine, but he wanted me to take flovent. Really? So my asthma is getting better yet you want me to go on more drugs that took a year to get off of painfully? That just locks into place everything I have been feeling and shows me my true direction in life. I am not going back to that pulmonologist of course, as all I wanted in the first place was to xray my lungs and make sure they were okay. I didn't want new meds, a sleep study and a referral to come back to him every month. No thank you. It is sad that refusing these things that I didn't want in the first place gets you a "are you crazy?" look from the doctor, because no one refuses a doctor! It feels good to trust myself because I know my body and I am not afraid to say no any longer.
More on the protracted withdrawals, my vision has changed to being nearsighted and I have also had a very strange menstrual cycle. For about 6 months after I got off effexor it was either early or late and extremely painful. The last two months it seems as if it is getting back to a normal cycle.
So I truly believe all the new aches/pains/hormonal problems is due 100% to getting off everything including the antidepressants and corticosteriods. I think my immune system is rebuilding itself and my hormones are starting to relearn how to behave without synthetic chemicals. I welcome these changes, though painful and annoying now, my system is going through a fundamental change and it needs to happen. I do not want to change it or hinder any growth that might come.
One more thing, last year on around this same date I picked my LAST prescription of Effexor. Wow! I cannot believe it has been a year, I still remember counting the beads and wondering to myself if I could go through with it. It was just the beginning of the brain shocks, the nausea, insomnia and irritability. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that everything would work out. What a wonderful feeling to know where I am today in contrast to the journey I was embarking on. Also, my husband was there every step of the way. When I needed to vent and I felt like scum, he was there to explain to me why I was doing this in the first place and that everything would be okay. He was right. =)
Hi Happy Pills-Are you still blogging? I am wondering how you are doing since this last post.
ReplyDeleteHello! I am doing wonderful, thanks for asking! I haven't blogged in a while since my life has taken on so many different paths. I am currently 7 months pregnant with a baby boy named Maddox. My husband and I are super excited to be so fortunate to be having such a great pregnancy so far. I really am proud that we took the time to research and get off of the antidepressants if not for how wonderful life has opened up but for the fact that we are having a healthy baby boy!! If you have any questions about withdrawal or anything else just let me know. I really went through hell to get off the antidepressants, but I would do it all over because the light at the end of the tunnel was and is simply amazing.
ReplyDeleteSarah-Congratulations! I am so happy for you and your husband. I am attempting to discontinue effexor again. I did once for my first pregnancy 13 yrs ago. Then again 2 years ago. And now 12-30-12 was my last dose.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. My daughter who is about your age is also trying to get off of effexor. She was put on it in highschool for anxiety and until recently she didn't want to get off of it. She didn't realize how it was affecting her moods until recently when her relationship broke down. He just couldn't take it anymore. For the first time in years she sees things so clearly and wants off. She started taper almost two weeks ago but I think she is going to try to use Prozac to switch right now. I'm a little worried because on another site they warned against this and said she should taper slowly...she just doesn't have that much patience. I have read about others that did it with higher dosages...so fingers crossed. In this first taper she did have some withdrawal symptoms which were definitely annoying for her but she got through it. This week has been much better. She had to teach a seminar at a work to a small group and got a bit anxious but I told her we are all nervous to do things like that unless we do them all the time. I'm so glad you are off this medication and doing well. It gives me hope!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much and I am sending positive energy to your daughter! It was hard, but I had to do the slow taper, it took over 10 months. I was actually originally put on 375mg and cut that in half to 150mg. That first time put me in the hospital because I didn't know anything about the withdrawaling process or that it would affect my body so badly. After I learned so much I realized that I had to do a 5mg a week taper, no more than that. The higher doses are a little easier to work through the withdrawals, the lower ones are the ones to watch for. When I got down to 30mg I ended up in the hospital passing out and vomiting, and I had to stay on the dose until I supplemented with prozac, that got me over the hump. I still tapered down though, it just helped dramatically! Then when I was done with Effexor, I stayed on Prozac for 2 weeks and tapered off that. It was much easier and the withdrawals were not bad at all. The reason behind that is that Prosac only works on one neurotransmitter, while Effexor works on three!
ReplyDeleteEffexor essentially rewires the brain, so not tapering slowly enough can be dangerous, even if she is feeling okay one day. Please let her know that slow and steady is the way to go, and even though it may seem like it will take forever, it really does go by fast and then life is truly amazing. Also, I realized that while I was withdrawing I don't remember much of it, that time in my life was very blurry because my brain was healing.
Getting off of it was the best decision of my life. I am 36 weeks pregnant now and just waiting for our baby boy to come into the world. :) If I didn't go through the withdrawals and systematic approach I don't think I would ever be in this position! It made me really see the world differently than ever before.
Oh also, she is right about it affecting the moods. It is actually proven that it works for a while and then slowly degrades you and makes anxiety worse, more cycling of moods, etc. Antidepressants are okay for a very short time, then they start messing with your brain structuring. Which is why I truly wish they wouldn't put out such drugs that take such a toll to get off of.
Wish you all the luck in the world, if you or your daughter ever need anything regarding withdrawing, please let me know! I feel so fortunate to all the people I have learned from and the journey that got me to where I am today so I would love to help anyone who needs anything. :)
Thanks so much. Today was the first day taking prozac and she developed a bad headache around 3:30. It was quite bad but once she got out and walked home she felt much better.
ReplyDeleteShe is going to do the taper from a much higher dosage than you. I've read about some that did and were okay. We are going to go down some every day for the next nine days. She found out today her boss just went on effexor 4 months ago so at least he's sympathetic. Fingers crossed it goes well.