I haven't posted in a while and I am happy about it. For a long time I found myself posting when I was angry, depressed or having physical problems due to withdrawals. Lately I have been smooth sailing. I have found myself researching and reading things that I want to learn about rather than trying to find others who are feeling the same pains as myself. Though I still want to reach out to people who are going through the same thing, I am gaining comfort in not actively looking for others who feel the same brain shocks and tremors as I did while withdrawing. I hope people who are going through it and brave enough to take the plunge find my blog or others like it and know they are not alone and the feelings they have do actually exist. We as a society are constantly brain washed into believing to blindly follow and trust the people in authority (doctors, etc.) Life only becomes living when you blindly follow your own intuition and trust yourself. I have found that I couldn't do that while being on antidepressants that chemically changed my own natural being. They didn't simply make me a better person as each advertisement campaign longs to make you believe. They make you a shell of someone you want to be more like. They allow you to swallow this little capsule which you magically think will change your faulty human brain into something more beautiful. True beauty is seeing the faults and allowing those faults to be small miracles of existence. It is dancing with the ups and downs of life and not actively trying to change them. The more you struggle, the more you will drown.
Doing something as painful as getting off antidepressants has opened my eyes to our constant unconscious suffering and the dance we all must do to live life. People constantly hide this suffering and try to change themselves for the sake of what other people think of you. What you perceive other people to think becomes your own thinking and that constant nagging in the back of your mind destroys life. Let life live through you and not through your ego. This is just a small portion of what I have learned and how I am coping with the ups and downs of life.
I have found myself reading more on spirituality, parenting and even cooking/baking. I love having passions other than trying to change myself!
On another note on the the process of withdrawing or protracted withdrawals, I have been having a lot of joint problems this year and other random things which I have never experienced before. I experienced carpel tunnel, my knee has a torn meniscus and I have random pain in my feet/other places. My asthma seems to be doing better and I think/hope the rebound of advair/singulair is finally tapering off. I had a scary situation where my lungs closed up on me after using a "bath bomb" which is a smelly ball you put into the tub. I ended up going to a pulmonologist who said my lungs were fine and I just had an allergic reaction. I took a breathing test and he said my asthma was functioning just fine, but he wanted me to take flovent. Really? So my asthma is getting better yet you want me to go on more drugs that took a year to get off of painfully? That just locks into place everything I have been feeling and shows me my true direction in life. I am not going back to that pulmonologist of course, as all I wanted in the first place was to xray my lungs and make sure they were okay. I didn't want new meds, a sleep study and a referral to come back to him every month. No thank you. It is sad that refusing these things that I didn't want in the first place gets you a "are you crazy?" look from the doctor, because no one refuses a doctor! It feels good to trust myself because I know my body and I am not afraid to say no any longer.
More on the protracted withdrawals, my vision has changed to being nearsighted and I have also had a very strange menstrual cycle. For about 6 months after I got off effexor it was either early or late and extremely painful. The last two months it seems as if it is getting back to a normal cycle.
So I truly believe all the new aches/pains/hormonal problems is due 100% to getting off everything including the antidepressants and corticosteriods. I think my immune system is rebuilding itself and my hormones are starting to relearn how to behave without synthetic chemicals. I welcome these changes, though painful and annoying now, my system is going through a fundamental change and it needs to happen. I do not want to change it or hinder any growth that might come.
One more thing, last year on around this same date I picked my LAST prescription of Effexor. Wow! I cannot believe it has been a year, I still remember counting the beads and wondering to myself if I could go through with it. It was just the beginning of the brain shocks, the nausea, insomnia and irritability. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that everything would work out. What a wonderful feeling to know where I am today in contrast to the journey I was embarking on. Also, my husband was there every step of the way. When I needed to vent and I felt like scum, he was there to explain to me why I was doing this in the first place and that everything would be okay. He was right. =)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Feeling Better
Since my last post I have felt better so there is definitely something to say about laying everything on the table and learning from it. I am trying hard to be in the present and not worry or let my anger of doctors, etc, get the best of me.
Oh I also am now off of Clariton/Zyrtec. So that can be added to my list of drugs not taken. I stopped the Clariton which supplemented the Zrytec last week. I actually have a clearer nose and feel better also. Maybe my negative bout had to do with getting off of those?
I only have prilosec left to get off of, which I took not for stomach problems but for asthma as there was a "theory" that asthma is from acid that comes up in your stomach. What a load of crap and a nice selling story. I have never had heart burn before and now I cannot go a half a day without taking prilosec because my heartburn is so bad and I feel sick. Another "safe" drug and another problem. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.
Here is a beautiful video showing some truth that inspires me. I hope people start to get smart and not blindly trust their doctor and realize the big picture. I can only hope...
Oh I also am now off of Clariton/Zyrtec. So that can be added to my list of drugs not taken. I stopped the Clariton which supplemented the Zrytec last week. I actually have a clearer nose and feel better also. Maybe my negative bout had to do with getting off of those?
I only have prilosec left to get off of, which I took not for stomach problems but for asthma as there was a "theory" that asthma is from acid that comes up in your stomach. What a load of crap and a nice selling story. I have never had heart burn before and now I cannot go a half a day without taking prilosec because my heartburn is so bad and I feel sick. Another "safe" drug and another problem. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.
Here is a beautiful video showing some truth that inspires me. I hope people start to get smart and not blindly trust their doctor and realize the big picture. I can only hope...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Negative Perfection.
I am not the type of person to be negative or despondent in writing. I do my fair share of being negative with my husband, talking about things that annoy me and being mad at myself for being so annoyed. Though there is something about writing that I do not want to be negative. Maybe I feel like there is some magical power of saving your own text and it will change everything. Maybe I want to be someone else when I write, someone perfect. But I know that I cannot be perfect and perfection is nothing but an illusion. This is why I am writing right now in the first place.
Last week I just got over my period, and it was a bad one. I am talking negative, “why am I living” type of bad. I have been searching on google “been off of antidepressants” for an answer and I have found a couple. I have found people who are saying around the 6th month mark up to 12 months you have some sort of change and you feel withdrawal effects again. It is not like they ever went totally away but it gets worse during this time. WHY? Ugh! I was just starting to feel normal again, whatever normal is.
Back to the beginning, I am going to be negative now. I am going to change my ways to find out who I am because I am sick of being negative to people who do not deserve it. My husband is loving, generous and just tries to make me happy all the time, he shouldn’t have to put up with me crying and being negative. So here goes nothing, here is my negative thoughts, hoping they will shine a light to something positive:
I am so annoyed with myself sometimes. I have a feeling of emptiness inside me, that I am not living the “right life.” I feel like I should be someone else, I should be working somewhere else and I should look different. I feel like I have every symptom of ADD, OCD, Bipolar, depression etc. I FEEL TOO MUCH. I know deep down that I am on the road to recovery and that I need to learn to let go but it has been a constant struggle. For the last couple of months it has gone by okay, but there are still times, like this last period where I went to the deep end again. Someday I want to know the deep-end exists and wave hello to it. I do not want to go into it. Why? Because I know better. I KNOW BETTER. Right now I feel like I sound crazy which is one of my biggest fears. I have a constant burning fear inside of me that I am going to “sound crazy, look crazy or BE crazy.” I feel sometimes that I am fighting with myself, battling this emptiness and vacuum of anything happy. I have SO much to be happy about. I have a great husband who is there for me every second, my mom is amazing and sweet, I have adorable pets, a beautiful home and I have so much to look forward to in life. I know that, but why can’t my mind fully comprehend it? Most of the time I think it does, but there are these times where my brain plays tricks on me and tells me this is all an illusion and it will all fade away as quickly as it came. Someday I will be alone, scared and empty. Why does my mind switch to that form of thinking every time I realize how GOOD my life really is? Why is it so easy for me to cry when I think about being alone someday? I think about everything that could go wrong. I think about family members who are now alone, old and bitter and I visualize myself becoming them. I am afraid of losing my happiness and my love. I am afraid of not having my husband with me forever because he is my rock; he means so much to me. I think too much about the past and the future, when all I want to do is be present.
My husband says it is my hormones messing with me, that the antidepressants are out of my system and my body has to change. I have read it and heard it from several people that your emotions/drive changes after being off of antidepressants for a while due to your amygdala and hippocampus being affected by the hormonal changes and cortisol levels. I know this and I am trying my best to comprehend it in its entirety but my mind keeps switching to “that is crap, you are just crazy.” I think sometimes that I don’t know who I am. I am having an identity crisis at the age of 28. I started taking antidepressants at 15, quite possibly they stunted my emotional growth and my system is being over-loaded with thoughts and ideas of who I am and what I should be.
What do I think I will get out of writing this and what do I want?
Maybe if I write down all my deepest fears and lay it all out there for everyone and myself to see, maybe I will see some sort of pattern and it will aid me in this current change. I will be true and it will somehow allow truth to open my eyes to reality and love. I want to be happy. That sounds so traditional and illusive but I want to have a sense of being. I want to be present. I want to be okay with living life, cleaning, working, sleeping and awaking. I want to be an adult and take responsibility for myself and my actions. I want to treat people like I would want them to treat me, with graciousness and generosity. When I am in pain, I want to learn from it instead of be so fearful of it. I want to know that I will not be afraid of what my mind might conjure up and that I am normal.
Again, I view the words “normal” and “perfection” to be an illusion, but there is a fine line between grasping those views and living. We live in a world that allows people to be discriminated every day, gossip is negativity and we learn at a very young age that we have to either “fit in or get out” in most situations. People try desperately to be someone they are not and maybe that is what I did. Instead of coping with my thoughts and my bad PMS at 15, I took an antidepressant in hopes of the almighty “perfection.” Oh and let me tell you, to most people it looked like I had it down. Until I crashed, and had to pick up the pieces by taking even more antidepressants. That is the past.
The future is bright and full. There is so much now that I never had before. I have a lot to give and I have been given a lot. I am unique, unlike anyone else and not “perfect” or “normal.” I am better than normal, I am me. I need to find that light inside me every time my mind tries to blow it out and I am hoping that time will heal my emotional, hormonal or coping-skill related wounds. I think it will, at least for now.
Last week I just got over my period, and it was a bad one. I am talking negative, “why am I living” type of bad. I have been searching on google “been off of antidepressants” for an answer and I have found a couple. I have found people who are saying around the 6th month mark up to 12 months you have some sort of change and you feel withdrawal effects again. It is not like they ever went totally away but it gets worse during this time. WHY? Ugh! I was just starting to feel normal again, whatever normal is.
Back to the beginning, I am going to be negative now. I am going to change my ways to find out who I am because I am sick of being negative to people who do not deserve it. My husband is loving, generous and just tries to make me happy all the time, he shouldn’t have to put up with me crying and being negative. So here goes nothing, here is my negative thoughts, hoping they will shine a light to something positive:
I am so annoyed with myself sometimes. I have a feeling of emptiness inside me, that I am not living the “right life.” I feel like I should be someone else, I should be working somewhere else and I should look different. I feel like I have every symptom of ADD, OCD, Bipolar, depression etc. I FEEL TOO MUCH. I know deep down that I am on the road to recovery and that I need to learn to let go but it has been a constant struggle. For the last couple of months it has gone by okay, but there are still times, like this last period where I went to the deep end again. Someday I want to know the deep-end exists and wave hello to it. I do not want to go into it. Why? Because I know better. I KNOW BETTER. Right now I feel like I sound crazy which is one of my biggest fears. I have a constant burning fear inside of me that I am going to “sound crazy, look crazy or BE crazy.” I feel sometimes that I am fighting with myself, battling this emptiness and vacuum of anything happy. I have SO much to be happy about. I have a great husband who is there for me every second, my mom is amazing and sweet, I have adorable pets, a beautiful home and I have so much to look forward to in life. I know that, but why can’t my mind fully comprehend it? Most of the time I think it does, but there are these times where my brain plays tricks on me and tells me this is all an illusion and it will all fade away as quickly as it came. Someday I will be alone, scared and empty. Why does my mind switch to that form of thinking every time I realize how GOOD my life really is? Why is it so easy for me to cry when I think about being alone someday? I think about everything that could go wrong. I think about family members who are now alone, old and bitter and I visualize myself becoming them. I am afraid of losing my happiness and my love. I am afraid of not having my husband with me forever because he is my rock; he means so much to me. I think too much about the past and the future, when all I want to do is be present.
My husband says it is my hormones messing with me, that the antidepressants are out of my system and my body has to change. I have read it and heard it from several people that your emotions/drive changes after being off of antidepressants for a while due to your amygdala and hippocampus being affected by the hormonal changes and cortisol levels. I know this and I am trying my best to comprehend it in its entirety but my mind keeps switching to “that is crap, you are just crazy.” I think sometimes that I don’t know who I am. I am having an identity crisis at the age of 28. I started taking antidepressants at 15, quite possibly they stunted my emotional growth and my system is being over-loaded with thoughts and ideas of who I am and what I should be.
What do I think I will get out of writing this and what do I want?
Maybe if I write down all my deepest fears and lay it all out there for everyone and myself to see, maybe I will see some sort of pattern and it will aid me in this current change. I will be true and it will somehow allow truth to open my eyes to reality and love. I want to be happy. That sounds so traditional and illusive but I want to have a sense of being. I want to be present. I want to be okay with living life, cleaning, working, sleeping and awaking. I want to be an adult and take responsibility for myself and my actions. I want to treat people like I would want them to treat me, with graciousness and generosity. When I am in pain, I want to learn from it instead of be so fearful of it. I want to know that I will not be afraid of what my mind might conjure up and that I am normal.
Again, I view the words “normal” and “perfection” to be an illusion, but there is a fine line between grasping those views and living. We live in a world that allows people to be discriminated every day, gossip is negativity and we learn at a very young age that we have to either “fit in or get out” in most situations. People try desperately to be someone they are not and maybe that is what I did. Instead of coping with my thoughts and my bad PMS at 15, I took an antidepressant in hopes of the almighty “perfection.” Oh and let me tell you, to most people it looked like I had it down. Until I crashed, and had to pick up the pieces by taking even more antidepressants. That is the past.
The future is bright and full. There is so much now that I never had before. I have a lot to give and I have been given a lot. I am unique, unlike anyone else and not “perfect” or “normal.” I am better than normal, I am me. I need to find that light inside me every time my mind tries to blow it out and I am hoping that time will heal my emotional, hormonal or coping-skill related wounds. I think it will, at least for now.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
6 Months!!!
YAY!! It has been 6 months since I have been FREE of Effexor and big pharma drugs.
A lot has happened. I have now lost about 30lbs and I feel pretty damn good. I have a different sense of awareness now about everything. It might be a little OCD, but it is better than being mind-screwed by chemicals. I have realized that I have to learn coping mechanisms because my emotions have been mildly deadened since I was 15. No wonder I used to get into so many fights with people/friends/family, I never felt right. I craved feelings of sadness, anger and doubt constantly, while on the outside looking ever so happy. The drugs do terrible things to your mind, which convey into your soul and show eventually through your body.
Speaking of that, I have learned that I cannot care. Not in a way that is mean or harsh-spirited but in a way that I have to allow people to make their own mistakes and not be angry. Just the other day I got so frustrated because someone I know was almost bragging about being put on psycho-pharma drugs. They took a random test and now truly believe they have one of those made-up psychological diseases. I felt like screaming "don't you know that you are going to ruin your mind?, don't you know that it is ALL fake and you are just buying some random doctor's vacation home?, aren't you SMART enough to realize that you control yourself and a pill will NOT make you better?" There were so many thoughts going through my mind because I went through it, it was hard and I wish that someone told me at 15 not to take the pills. Yet, this person thinks its "cool" to take amphetamines. Someday they will play the victim card when they go through psychosis, have early dementia, heart attacks or worse. Their entire view is to laugh and thinks its okay because they have "researched it" probably on WebMD or some other profit-driven excuse for a health website.
But how many people are walking around today trusting doctors blindly and never taking control of their own life? Staying glued to the media and constricting their beliefs for the beneficial doubt created by the profiteer? Hell, I was one of them not very long ago.
So basically I need to learn to control my emotions and take caring into consideration. I need to step back and understand that I cannot control this person I speak of above and that there are TONS of people ($330 billion worth) who are taking big pharma's pills and thinking they are better off. I cannot change the world and I need to accept that fact. People are still going to touch the stove even if you say they will get burnt.
You know, before, when I was on Effexor I would have probably cried and went overboard about situations similiar. Now I try to realize the problem and take steps to overcome. That is what being human is for me. It is learning, coping and changing while experiencing it all at once. I sometimes miss the mindless drone feeling that Effexor gave me, or the super fast high feeling that amphetamines gave me when I was younger but I would never give my humanity up for something like that again. That is a good feeling.
For the first couple of months my body went through some crazy changes. Whenever I felt the slightest bit of happiness I would tear up a little. I found myself constantly fighting the urge to cry. (To cry in a good way, but still) I can almost feel my brain re-wiring itself and my emotions coming back to me. No actually, the brain shocks during withdrawaling was feeling the re-wiring, LOL.
Okay, I must sleep. I just wanted to update on where I stand today, about 6 months off Effexor!! I am changing, shifting, growing and I love it...
A lot has happened. I have now lost about 30lbs and I feel pretty damn good. I have a different sense of awareness now about everything. It might be a little OCD, but it is better than being mind-screwed by chemicals. I have realized that I have to learn coping mechanisms because my emotions have been mildly deadened since I was 15. No wonder I used to get into so many fights with people/friends/family, I never felt right. I craved feelings of sadness, anger and doubt constantly, while on the outside looking ever so happy. The drugs do terrible things to your mind, which convey into your soul and show eventually through your body.
Speaking of that, I have learned that I cannot care. Not in a way that is mean or harsh-spirited but in a way that I have to allow people to make their own mistakes and not be angry. Just the other day I got so frustrated because someone I know was almost bragging about being put on psycho-pharma drugs. They took a random test and now truly believe they have one of those made-up psychological diseases. I felt like screaming "don't you know that you are going to ruin your mind?, don't you know that it is ALL fake and you are just buying some random doctor's vacation home?, aren't you SMART enough to realize that you control yourself and a pill will NOT make you better?" There were so many thoughts going through my mind because I went through it, it was hard and I wish that someone told me at 15 not to take the pills. Yet, this person thinks its "cool" to take amphetamines. Someday they will play the victim card when they go through psychosis, have early dementia, heart attacks or worse. Their entire view is to laugh and thinks its okay because they have "researched it" probably on WebMD or some other profit-driven excuse for a health website.
But how many people are walking around today trusting doctors blindly and never taking control of their own life? Staying glued to the media and constricting their beliefs for the beneficial doubt created by the profiteer? Hell, I was one of them not very long ago.
So basically I need to learn to control my emotions and take caring into consideration. I need to step back and understand that I cannot control this person I speak of above and that there are TONS of people ($330 billion worth) who are taking big pharma's pills and thinking they are better off. I cannot change the world and I need to accept that fact. People are still going to touch the stove even if you say they will get burnt.
You know, before, when I was on Effexor I would have probably cried and went overboard about situations similiar. Now I try to realize the problem and take steps to overcome. That is what being human is for me. It is learning, coping and changing while experiencing it all at once. I sometimes miss the mindless drone feeling that Effexor gave me, or the super fast high feeling that amphetamines gave me when I was younger but I would never give my humanity up for something like that again. That is a good feeling.
For the first couple of months my body went through some crazy changes. Whenever I felt the slightest bit of happiness I would tear up a little. I found myself constantly fighting the urge to cry. (To cry in a good way, but still) I can almost feel my brain re-wiring itself and my emotions coming back to me. No actually, the brain shocks during withdrawaling was feeling the re-wiring, LOL.
Okay, I must sleep. I just wanted to update on where I stand today, about 6 months off Effexor!! I am changing, shifting, growing and I love it...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Contentment
It has been a while since I have written. Mostly because I have been living life. It is always a good thing when life actually gets lived. If that makes sense! My husband and I have both lost about 20lbs and are feeling better each day. I have not had a withdrawal in a very long time. I think eating organically, working out and being conscious has been helping tremendously.
I have had bouts of asthma since I have gotten off the advair and singular. They have been bad to the point of me getting frustrated and crying. Everytime I look up the side effects/things that these drugs do to your body I cringe and am reminded why I got off of them. I have been practicing Buteyko which is a breathing exercise. I have purchased a dvd and it is amazing that in 3 days I can feel the effects. I have taken my inhaler only 3 times when in the days before I would take it 15-30 times a DAY! This alone is proof to me that our bodies are amazing machines, they can heal us and protect us if we find our correct balance. If we are free of drugs, eat the foods that heal, do not blindly trust the media/doctors, our bodies can show us the way!!
It is a pretty amazing way of thinking and I absolutely love it. I have never really learned a symbiotic relationship with my body and mind because I started taking antidepressants at the age of 15. Every day is a new day and every day should be celebrated for being a learning experience.
Wow I sound like a whole new person don't I? Goodbye drugs, hello LIFE!! =))
I have had bouts of asthma since I have gotten off the advair and singular. They have been bad to the point of me getting frustrated and crying. Everytime I look up the side effects/things that these drugs do to your body I cringe and am reminded why I got off of them. I have been practicing Buteyko which is a breathing exercise. I have purchased a dvd and it is amazing that in 3 days I can feel the effects. I have taken my inhaler only 3 times when in the days before I would take it 15-30 times a DAY! This alone is proof to me that our bodies are amazing machines, they can heal us and protect us if we find our correct balance. If we are free of drugs, eat the foods that heal, do not blindly trust the media/doctors, our bodies can show us the way!!
It is a pretty amazing way of thinking and I absolutely love it. I have never really learned a symbiotic relationship with my body and mind because I started taking antidepressants at the age of 15. Every day is a new day and every day should be celebrated for being a learning experience.
Wow I sound like a whole new person don't I? Goodbye drugs, hello LIFE!! =))
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
CCHR: Psychiatry—Labeling Kids with Bogus 'Mental Disorders'
Thank you so much to the CCHR for this amazing video. I am crying tears of happiness that there is some truth shining through the BS that people are put through today, especially our children. Our children are the future, we have to STOP labeling them and STOP labeling ourselves.
My mom just mentioned that she saw a law commercial for children who were born by mothers on antidepressants and how most of them didn't survive. Years ago, my "world reknowned" doctor told me I could be pregnant AND take effexor. Now the data is showing that baby's born to antidepressan-taking mothers come out with a liquified brain. That alone shows you the NEED for TRUTH in this day and age of media pushed, profit-first, health-second life.
I am asking myself that maybe if I saw this video at 15 I wouldn't have gone through what I did. My fight with antidepressants, labeling of pmdd, bipolar, major depression, pychosis, antipsychotics and more made me stronger, it made me who I am today. I am free of drugs and I am loving every moment of it... lets keep videos and TRUTHS like this prevalent in our society!
These type of truths save lives, and life is worth it.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Happiness is caring about yourself...
My husband and I have been on a "new lifestyle." We are not eating fried food, milk, ice cream, white grain, etc. I have realized that I need to care about my nutrition and it needs to be a permanent change. For the last week, we have been making that conscience change and I have felt better than ever. I even got my period and it wasn't as bad as it has been.
My withdrawals have been pretty good too. I haven't had a bad one in a while. I hope it stays this way. I am still having a little brain fog and fatigue, but it is very managable.
My goal now is to loose my extra pounds, work on my spirituality and maintain happiness by caring about myself and the people I love. I have been having beautiful moments of freedom knowing that I am no longer addicted to the antidepressant poisin. It is wonderful =)
My withdrawals have been pretty good too. I haven't had a bad one in a while. I hope it stays this way. I am still having a little brain fog and fatigue, but it is very managable.
My goal now is to loose my extra pounds, work on my spirituality and maintain happiness by caring about myself and the people I love. I have been having beautiful moments of freedom knowing that I am no longer addicted to the antidepressant poisin. It is wonderful =)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Pasted from my Topix post
This is what I wrote on the "is my body ruined from effexor" topix. I just watched the entire hour and a half on the Anatomy of an Epidemic and it made me feel better. I thought I might as well put the post on here also:
"Thank you everyone for your posts. I have been off Effexor for 2 months now. I am still getting withdrawals in the form of anxiety, crying fits, tremors, heart palpations, worse pms and more. I looked up today how long these withdrawals would last and I found the webcast on the "anatomy of an epidemic" which helped me feel better. Information makes me feel better, not knowing is the worst. I have come to realize that this all started when I was 15 and asked the doctor what to do about my bad pms. In hindsight, my pms was nothing. It was mild crying and going through what every girl does around that time. When I turned 20 I experimented with marijuana and diet pills. It was hardly any too, it wasn't like I did it all the time. Soon after this I had a pyschotic break. They put me on antipychotics, antidepressants and mood stabalizers. They said I was bipolar and gave my mom the same BS about the chemicals in the brain being imbalanced. When I turned 21 I started Effexor after going to a rehab for depression. I started drinking non stop to mask the side effects of effexor. Once I met my husband, we stopped drinking and I realized how delusional my thinking was on Effexor. I wasn't myself, I was a drone. I also have been feeling a decline cognitively which has scared me. That is why I came off Effexor. I now feel better, I have a wonderful husband who helps me through it, but it is still there. The fear that Effexor and the other cocktail of drugs has ruined my body/brain since I was 15 is still there. I used to be extremely outgoing and ready to take on the world, now I am fearful that a withdrawal will strike at any time. I sometimes feel bad for my husband and people around me. I also feel very old, and I am only 28.
I am going to focus on my nutrition, exercise and love. I truly believe it is the only way to heal my body/brain from the trauma it was artifically given from a very young age. I have to let go of the hate I have for the medical field and doctors. If I do not it will eat me alive. This life is a test and I have to succeed in finding happiness. Maybe if we all try hard enough we can overcome the falseness of the media and medical field. Who knows? For now I will maintain trying and hoping that the withdrawals subside in time."
"Thank you everyone for your posts. I have been off Effexor for 2 months now. I am still getting withdrawals in the form of anxiety, crying fits, tremors, heart palpations, worse pms and more. I looked up today how long these withdrawals would last and I found the webcast on the "anatomy of an epidemic" which helped me feel better. Information makes me feel better, not knowing is the worst. I have come to realize that this all started when I was 15 and asked the doctor what to do about my bad pms. In hindsight, my pms was nothing. It was mild crying and going through what every girl does around that time. When I turned 20 I experimented with marijuana and diet pills. It was hardly any too, it wasn't like I did it all the time. Soon after this I had a pyschotic break. They put me on antipychotics, antidepressants and mood stabalizers. They said I was bipolar and gave my mom the same BS about the chemicals in the brain being imbalanced. When I turned 21 I started Effexor after going to a rehab for depression. I started drinking non stop to mask the side effects of effexor. Once I met my husband, we stopped drinking and I realized how delusional my thinking was on Effexor. I wasn't myself, I was a drone. I also have been feeling a decline cognitively which has scared me. That is why I came off Effexor. I now feel better, I have a wonderful husband who helps me through it, but it is still there. The fear that Effexor and the other cocktail of drugs has ruined my body/brain since I was 15 is still there. I used to be extremely outgoing and ready to take on the world, now I am fearful that a withdrawal will strike at any time. I sometimes feel bad for my husband and people around me. I also feel very old, and I am only 28.
I am going to focus on my nutrition, exercise and love. I truly believe it is the only way to heal my body/brain from the trauma it was artifically given from a very young age. I have to let go of the hate I have for the medical field and doctors. If I do not it will eat me alive. This life is a test and I have to succeed in finding happiness. Maybe if we all try hard enough we can overcome the falseness of the media and medical field. Who knows? For now I will maintain trying and hoping that the withdrawals subside in time."
Protracted Withdrawal?
I have been off Effexor for almost 2 months. I have good days and bad days like usual. Last night I had a bout of tremors, it only lasted about 20 minutes. It went from shaking in my chest, to all over my body. Then I got very light headed. I decided today to look up how long it will take for my body to get better. I have been experiencing wanting to cry all the time, being fatigued all the time and unmotivated. I am trying hard to not be negative but sometimes it is unbarable. I have been reading about protracted withdrawal today and that some people have been off of it for 2 years and still do not feel fully healed. This is how I got to this:
http://www.booktv.org/Watch/11502/Anatomy+of+an+Epidemic+Magic+Bullets+Psychiatric+Drugs+and+the+Astonishing+Rise+of+Mental+Illness+in+America.aspx
Please watch the video above, it is long but it is extremely interesting. Basically he is saying we take small problems and exaserbate them into much larger ones like bipolar and get on cocktails of drugs. Also more about children being prescribed SSRIs and given a career of mental illness from the doctor at an early age. He also talks about the "magic bullet" and the chemical imbalance HYPOTHESIS which is not actually TRUTH. It is backed by clinical studies and actual DATA. Everything we are told is just a selling method. We are being slapped in the face by our own doctors everyday.
I am going to purchase Robert Whitakers book today.
I didn't want to get on a rant about it, but sometimes it is so hard to understand and comprehend how human nature could take such a turn for the worst. It is sad and disheartening and hopefully we will rise out of this horrible state of mind which is labeling people falsely and giving them drugs which hurt more than help.
I am scared. I don't want to have these withdrawal symptoms 2 or even 5 years down the road. Even worse, can they be permanent?
I am going to try to be positive and maintain the thought that life is a test. This is a test so that I will have to overcome it. I will write later, for now, please watch the video. I started crying when he said that the "chemical imbalance" is just a myth, it was proven to be not true. It feels good to hear the truth.
I always wonder if I never got on prosac when I was 15, would I be in this situation? Of course I wouldn't. I wish the worst for every doctor that freely prescribes these drugs, which is most.
http://www.booktv.org/Watch/11502/Anatomy+of+an+Epidemic+Magic+Bullets+Psychiatric+Drugs+and+the+Astonishing+Rise+of+Mental+Illness+in+America.aspx
Please watch the video above, it is long but it is extremely interesting. Basically he is saying we take small problems and exaserbate them into much larger ones like bipolar and get on cocktails of drugs. Also more about children being prescribed SSRIs and given a career of mental illness from the doctor at an early age. He also talks about the "magic bullet" and the chemical imbalance HYPOTHESIS which is not actually TRUTH. It is backed by clinical studies and actual DATA. Everything we are told is just a selling method. We are being slapped in the face by our own doctors everyday.
I am going to purchase Robert Whitakers book today.
I didn't want to get on a rant about it, but sometimes it is so hard to understand and comprehend how human nature could take such a turn for the worst. It is sad and disheartening and hopefully we will rise out of this horrible state of mind which is labeling people falsely and giving them drugs which hurt more than help.
I am scared. I don't want to have these withdrawal symptoms 2 or even 5 years down the road. Even worse, can they be permanent?
I am going to try to be positive and maintain the thought that life is a test. This is a test so that I will have to overcome it. I will write later, for now, please watch the video. I started crying when he said that the "chemical imbalance" is just a myth, it was proven to be not true. It feels good to hear the truth.
I always wonder if I never got on prosac when I was 15, would I be in this situation? Of course I wouldn't. I wish the worst for every doctor that freely prescribes these drugs, which is most.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Off Effexor, Prosac, Singulair and Advair!
I am completely off of all the evil drugs that pharm. companies give you for unbelievable reasons. There is definitely a price to getting off though...
I think the last day I took Effexor was Dec 30, and then a week later I got off of the Prozac. For about a week, it was pure bliss! I was so happy, felt great and everything went smoothly. After that week things got worse, I think it was because Prozac has a 5-7 day taper built in and after that week it was out of my system. I became incredibly depressed, crying and feeling horrible. My asthma was debilitating because I got off the advair and singulair also and supposedly they have withdrawal symptoms of their own. I know I said I didn't want to rush anything but I just yearned to be off of these pills asap, I am done with the negative side effects.
Anyway, my depression went away about 3 days ago and I have been feeling great mentally. Physically it is a different story. The last two days I have been experiencing heart palpations that I have never felt before. I feel like my heart is jumping around in my chest and I am going to throw it up. I hate this feeling, when I go to sleep it gets even worse. I am hoping and wishing that this goes away soon!
I also have dizziness, acne, diarrhea, fatigue and asthma. Beside that I am peachy, lol.
I am also about to get my period in 3 days. This is one of the first periods and pms in my life that I am getting without an antidepressant, as I was put on it when I was 15. I think my body is relearning how to cope with PMS. I have been looking up heart palpitations and it says it can be related to hormonal reasons. I hope this and the withdrawal I am still going through is the case. I have about 2 more months and I think the withdrawal symptoms will be better! I have read tons of places that they last about 3 months! Oh please don't let this be permanent, because I am HATING this feeling! If it doesn't get better soon, I might just have to call the doctor. I can't stand doctors. If it wasn't for doctors I wouldn't be having to spend a year of my life (my first year of marriage) getting off of these evil drugs and fighting to feel "normal" and better. I now know that I cannot trust doctors more than I can throw them. They are only vessels to obtain things you need, they shouldn't be listened to or praised.
So that is it. I have been having great days and very bad days. I guess that is better than having all bad days! I am constantly in disbelief that I am off all the drugs because it is a dream come true. The struggle is worth it because I truly believe that life will be 100% once I am clean.
Oh and about the advair, I have read horrible things about inhaled steroids. They basically slow down your immune system so that you do not have asthma as much but in the long run it is extremely bad for your health. Getting off of it was hard, for a week or so I had horrible tightness in my chest and bad asthma. I would rather get through the withdrawals than have it slow down my immune system though. I now know why I constantly had phlegm and a stuffy nose. Just like every drug that is being pushed, they cost tons of money every month and they are all just band aid effects which cause a lot of problems as we grow. I no longer want the band aid. I want the healthy life....
That is all for now, hopefully my next blog will be about how great I feel and that the withdrawals are gone! My pinkies are crossed.
I think the last day I took Effexor was Dec 30, and then a week later I got off of the Prozac. For about a week, it was pure bliss! I was so happy, felt great and everything went smoothly. After that week things got worse, I think it was because Prozac has a 5-7 day taper built in and after that week it was out of my system. I became incredibly depressed, crying and feeling horrible. My asthma was debilitating because I got off the advair and singulair also and supposedly they have withdrawal symptoms of their own. I know I said I didn't want to rush anything but I just yearned to be off of these pills asap, I am done with the negative side effects.
Anyway, my depression went away about 3 days ago and I have been feeling great mentally. Physically it is a different story. The last two days I have been experiencing heart palpations that I have never felt before. I feel like my heart is jumping around in my chest and I am going to throw it up. I hate this feeling, when I go to sleep it gets even worse. I am hoping and wishing that this goes away soon!
I also have dizziness, acne, diarrhea, fatigue and asthma. Beside that I am peachy, lol.
I am also about to get my period in 3 days. This is one of the first periods and pms in my life that I am getting without an antidepressant, as I was put on it when I was 15. I think my body is relearning how to cope with PMS. I have been looking up heart palpitations and it says it can be related to hormonal reasons. I hope this and the withdrawal I am still going through is the case. I have about 2 more months and I think the withdrawal symptoms will be better! I have read tons of places that they last about 3 months! Oh please don't let this be permanent, because I am HATING this feeling! If it doesn't get better soon, I might just have to call the doctor. I can't stand doctors. If it wasn't for doctors I wouldn't be having to spend a year of my life (my first year of marriage) getting off of these evil drugs and fighting to feel "normal" and better. I now know that I cannot trust doctors more than I can throw them. They are only vessels to obtain things you need, they shouldn't be listened to or praised.
So that is it. I have been having great days and very bad days. I guess that is better than having all bad days! I am constantly in disbelief that I am off all the drugs because it is a dream come true. The struggle is worth it because I truly believe that life will be 100% once I am clean.
Oh and about the advair, I have read horrible things about inhaled steroids. They basically slow down your immune system so that you do not have asthma as much but in the long run it is extremely bad for your health. Getting off of it was hard, for a week or so I had horrible tightness in my chest and bad asthma. I would rather get through the withdrawals than have it slow down my immune system though. I now know why I constantly had phlegm and a stuffy nose. Just like every drug that is being pushed, they cost tons of money every month and they are all just band aid effects which cause a lot of problems as we grow. I no longer want the band aid. I want the healthy life....
That is all for now, hopefully my next blog will be about how great I feel and that the withdrawals are gone! My pinkies are crossed.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Extremely Interesting
This is why I quit college and my psychology degree:
HOW PSYCHIATRY IS MAKING DRUG ADDICTS OUT OF AMERICA'S SCHOOL CHILDREN
http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/1995-09-01-children-psychiatry-drug-addicts.htm
HOW PSYCHIATRY IS MAKING DRUG ADDICTS OUT OF AMERICA'S SCHOOL CHILDREN
http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/1995-09-01-children-psychiatry-drug-addicts.htm
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