Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Haven't posted in a while

I haven't posted in a while and I am happy about it. For a long time I found myself posting when I was angry, depressed or having physical problems due to withdrawals. Lately I have been smooth sailing. I have found myself researching and reading things that I want to learn about rather than trying to find others who are feeling the same pains as myself. Though I still want to reach out to people who are going through the same thing, I am gaining comfort in not actively looking for others who feel the same brain shocks and tremors as I did while withdrawing. I hope people who are going through it and brave enough to take the plunge find my blog or others like it and know they are not alone and the feelings they have do actually exist. We as a society are constantly brain washed into believing to blindly follow and trust the people in authority (doctors, etc.) Life only becomes living when you blindly follow your own intuition and trust yourself. I have found that I couldn't do that while being on antidepressants that chemically changed my own natural being. They didn't simply make me a better person as each advertisement campaign longs to make you believe. They make you a shell of someone you want to be more like. They allow you to swallow this little capsule which you magically think will change your faulty human brain into something more beautiful. True beauty is seeing the faults and allowing those faults to be small miracles of existence. It is dancing with the ups and downs of life and not actively trying to change them. The more you struggle, the more you will drown.

Doing something as painful as getting off antidepressants has opened my eyes to our constant unconscious suffering and the dance we all must do to live life. People constantly hide this suffering and try to change themselves for the sake of what other people think of you. What you perceive other people to think becomes your own thinking and that constant nagging in the back of your mind destroys life. Let life live through you and not through your ego. This is just a small portion of what I have learned and how I am coping with the ups and downs of life.

I have found myself reading more on spirituality, parenting and even cooking/baking. I love having passions other than trying to change myself!

On another note on the the process of withdrawing or protracted withdrawals, I have been having a lot of joint problems this year and other random things which I have never experienced before. I experienced carpel tunnel, my knee has a torn meniscus and I have random pain in my feet/other places. My asthma seems to be doing better and I think/hope the rebound of advair/singulair is finally tapering off. I had a scary situation where my lungs closed up on me after using a "bath bomb" which is a smelly ball you put into the tub. I ended up going to a pulmonologist who said my lungs were fine and I just had an allergic reaction. I took a breathing test and he said my asthma was functioning just fine, but he wanted me to take flovent. Really? So my asthma is getting better yet you want me to go on more drugs that took a year to get off of painfully? That just locks into place everything I have been feeling and shows me my true direction in life. I am not going back to that pulmonologist of course, as all I wanted in the first place was to xray my lungs and make sure they were okay. I didn't want new meds, a sleep study and a referral to come back to him every month. No thank you. It is sad that refusing these things that I didn't want in the first place gets you a "are you crazy?" look from the doctor, because no one refuses a doctor! It feels good to trust myself because I know my body and I am not afraid to say no any longer.

More on the protracted withdrawals, my vision has changed to being nearsighted and I have also had a very strange menstrual cycle. For about 6 months after I got off effexor it was either early or late and extremely painful. The last two months it seems as if it is getting back to a normal cycle.

So I truly believe all the new aches/pains/hormonal problems is due 100% to getting off everything including the antidepressants and corticosteriods. I think my immune system is rebuilding itself and my hormones are starting to relearn how to behave without synthetic chemicals. I welcome these changes, though painful and annoying now, my system is going through a fundamental change and it needs to happen. I do not want to change it or hinder any growth that might come.

One more thing, last year on around this same date I picked my LAST prescription of Effexor. Wow! I cannot believe it has been a year, I still remember counting the beads and wondering to myself if I could go through with it. It was just the beginning of the brain shocks, the nausea, insomnia and irritability. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that everything would work out. What a wonderful feeling to know where I am today in contrast to the journey I was embarking on. Also, my husband was there every step of the way. When I needed to vent and I felt like scum, he was there to explain to me why I was doing this in the first place and that everything would be okay. He was right. =)

Friday, July 22, 2011

Feeling Better

Since my last post I have felt better so there is definitely something to say about laying everything on the table and learning from it. I am trying hard to be in the present and not worry or let my anger of doctors, etc, get the best of me.

Oh I also am now off of Clariton/Zyrtec. So that can be added to my list of drugs not taken. I stopped the Clariton which supplemented the Zrytec last week. I actually have a clearer nose and feel better also. Maybe my negative bout had to do with getting off of those?

I only have prilosec left to get off of, which I took not for stomach problems but for asthma as there was a "theory" that asthma is from acid that comes up in your stomach. What a load of crap and a nice selling story. I have never had heart burn before and now I cannot go a half a day without taking prilosec because my heartburn is so bad and I feel sick. Another "safe" drug and another problem. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.

Here is a beautiful video showing some truth that inspires me. I hope people start to get smart and not blindly trust their doctor and realize the big picture. I can only hope...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

My Negative Perfection.

I am not the type of person to be negative or despondent in writing. I do my fair share of being negative with my husband, talking about things that annoy me and being mad at myself for being so annoyed. Though there is something about writing that I do not want to be negative. Maybe I feel like there is some magical power of saving your own text and it will change everything. Maybe I want to be someone else when I write, someone perfect. But I know that I cannot be perfect and perfection is nothing but an illusion. This is why I am writing right now in the first place.

Last week I just got over my period, and it was a bad one. I am talking negative, “why am I living” type of bad. I have been searching on google “been off of antidepressants” for an answer and I have found a couple. I have found people who are saying around the 6th month mark up to 12 months you have some sort of change and you feel withdrawal effects again. It is not like they ever went totally away but it gets worse during this time. WHY? Ugh! I was just starting to feel normal again, whatever normal is.

Back to the beginning, I am going to be negative now. I am going to change my ways to find out who I am because I am sick of being negative to people who do not deserve it. My husband is loving, generous and just tries to make me happy all the time, he shouldn’t have to put up with me crying and being negative. So here goes nothing, here is my negative thoughts, hoping they will shine a light to something positive:

I am so annoyed with myself sometimes. I have a feeling of emptiness inside me, that I am not living the “right life.” I feel like I should be someone else, I should be working somewhere else and I should look different. I feel like I have every symptom of ADD, OCD, Bipolar, depression etc. I FEEL TOO MUCH. I know deep down that I am on the road to recovery and that I need to learn to let go but it has been a constant struggle. For the last couple of months it has gone by okay, but there are still times, like this last period where I went to the deep end again. Someday I want to know the deep-end exists and wave hello to it. I do not want to go into it. Why? Because I know better. I KNOW BETTER. Right now I feel like I sound crazy which is one of my biggest fears. I have a constant burning fear inside of me that I am going to “sound crazy, look crazy or BE crazy.” I feel sometimes that I am fighting with myself, battling this emptiness and vacuum of anything happy. I have SO much to be happy about. I have a great husband who is there for me every second, my mom is amazing and sweet, I have adorable pets, a beautiful home and I have so much to look forward to in life. I know that, but why can’t my mind fully comprehend it? Most of the time I think it does, but there are these times where my brain plays tricks on me and tells me this is all an illusion and it will all fade away as quickly as it came. Someday I will be alone, scared and empty. Why does my mind switch to that form of thinking every time I realize how GOOD my life really is? Why is it so easy for me to cry when I think about being alone someday? I think about everything that could go wrong. I think about family members who are now alone, old and bitter and I visualize myself becoming them. I am afraid of losing my happiness and my love. I am afraid of not having my husband with me forever because he is my rock; he means so much to me. I think too much about the past and the future, when all I want to do is be present.

My husband says it is my hormones messing with me, that the antidepressants are out of my system and my body has to change. I have read it and heard it from several people that your emotions/drive changes after being off of antidepressants for a while due to your amygdala and hippocampus being affected by the hormonal changes and cortisol levels. I know this and I am trying my best to comprehend it in its entirety but my mind keeps switching to “that is crap, you are just crazy.” I think sometimes that I don’t know who I am. I am having an identity crisis at the age of 28. I started taking antidepressants at 15, quite possibly they stunted my emotional growth and my system is being over-loaded with thoughts and ideas of who I am and what I should be.

What do I think I will get out of writing this and what do I want?

Maybe if I write down all my deepest fears and lay it all out there for everyone and myself to see, maybe I will see some sort of pattern and it will aid me in this current change. I will be true and it will somehow allow truth to open my eyes to reality and love. I want to be happy. That sounds so traditional and illusive but I want to have a sense of being. I want to be present. I want to be okay with living life, cleaning, working, sleeping and awaking. I want to be an adult and take responsibility for myself and my actions. I want to treat people like I would want them to treat me, with graciousness and generosity. When I am in pain, I want to learn from it instead of be so fearful of it. I want to know that I will not be afraid of what my mind might conjure up and that I am normal.

Again, I view the words “normal” and “perfection” to be an illusion, but there is a fine line between grasping those views and living. We live in a world that allows people to be discriminated every day, gossip is negativity and we learn at a very young age that we have to either “fit in or get out” in most situations. People try desperately to be someone they are not and maybe that is what I did. Instead of coping with my thoughts and my bad PMS at 15, I took an antidepressant in hopes of the almighty “perfection.” Oh and let me tell you, to most people it looked like I had it down. Until I crashed, and had to pick up the pieces by taking even more antidepressants. That is the past.

The future is bright and full. There is so much now that I never had before. I have a lot to give and I have been given a lot. I am unique, unlike anyone else and not “perfect” or “normal.” I am better than normal, I am me. I need to find that light inside me every time my mind tries to blow it out and I am hoping that time will heal my emotional, hormonal or coping-skill related wounds. I think it will, at least for now.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

6 Months!!!

YAY!! It has been 6 months since I have been FREE of Effexor and big pharma drugs.

A lot has happened. I have now lost about 30lbs and I feel pretty damn good. I have a different sense of awareness now about everything. It might be a little OCD, but it is better than being mind-screwed by chemicals. I have realized that I have to learn coping mechanisms because my emotions have been mildly deadened since I was 15. No wonder I used to get into so many fights with people/friends/family, I never felt right. I craved feelings of sadness, anger and doubt constantly, while on the outside looking ever so happy. The drugs do terrible things to your mind, which convey into your soul and show eventually through your body.

Speaking of that, I have learned that I cannot care. Not in a way that is mean or harsh-spirited but in a way that I have to allow people to make their own mistakes and not be angry. Just the other day I got so frustrated because someone I know was almost bragging about being put on psycho-pharma drugs. They took a random test and now truly believe they have one of those made-up psychological diseases. I felt like screaming "don't you know that you are going to ruin your mind?, don't you know that it is ALL fake and you are just buying some random doctor's vacation home?, aren't you SMART enough to realize that you control yourself and a pill will NOT make you better?" There were so many thoughts going through my mind because I went through it, it was hard and I wish that someone told me at 15 not to take the pills. Yet, this person thinks its "cool" to take amphetamines. Someday they will play the victim card when they go through psychosis, have early dementia, heart attacks or worse. Their entire view is to laugh and thinks its okay because they have "researched it" probably on WebMD or some other profit-driven excuse for a health website.

But how many people are walking around today trusting doctors blindly and never taking control of their own life? Staying glued to the media and constricting their beliefs for the beneficial doubt created by the profiteer? Hell, I was one of them not very long ago.

So basically I need to learn to control my emotions and take caring into consideration. I need to step back and understand that I cannot control this person I speak of above and that there are TONS of people ($330 billion worth) who are taking big pharma's pills and thinking they are better off. I cannot change the world and I need to accept that fact. People are still going to touch the stove even if you say they will get burnt.

You know, before, when I was on Effexor I would have probably cried and went overboard about situations similiar. Now I try to realize the problem and take steps to overcome. That is what being human is for me. It is learning, coping and changing while experiencing it all at once. I sometimes miss the mindless drone feeling that Effexor gave me, or the super fast high feeling that amphetamines gave me when I was younger but I would never give my humanity up for something like that again. That is a good feeling.

For the first couple of months my body went through some crazy changes. Whenever I felt the slightest bit of happiness I would tear up a little. I found myself constantly fighting the urge to cry. (To cry in a good way, but still) I can almost feel my brain re-wiring itself and my emotions coming back to me. No actually, the brain shocks during withdrawaling was feeling the re-wiring, LOL.

Okay, I must sleep. I just wanted to update on where I stand today, about 6 months off Effexor!! I am changing, shifting, growing and I love it...

Saturday, May 7, 2011


It has been a while since I have written. Mostly because I have been living life. It is always a good thing when life actually gets lived. If that makes sense! My husband and I have both lost about 20lbs and are feeling better each day. I have not had a withdrawal in a very long time. I think eating organically, working out and being conscious has been helping tremendously.

I have had bouts of asthma since I have gotten off the advair and singular. They have been bad to the point of me getting frustrated and crying. Everytime I look up the side effects/things that these drugs do to your body I cringe and am reminded why I got off of them. I have been practicing Buteyko which is a breathing exercise. I have purchased a dvd and it is amazing that in 3 days I can feel the effects. I have taken my inhaler only 3 times when in the days before I would take it 15-30 times a DAY! This alone is proof to me that our bodies are amazing machines, they can heal us and protect us if we find our correct balance. If we are free of drugs, eat the foods that heal, do not blindly trust the media/doctors, our bodies can show us the way!!

It is a pretty amazing way of thinking and I absolutely love it. I have never really learned a symbiotic relationship with my body and mind because I started taking antidepressants at the age of 15. Every day is a new day and every day should be celebrated for being a learning experience.

Wow I sound like a whole new person don't I? Goodbye drugs, hello LIFE!! =))

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

CCHR: Psychiatry—Labeling Kids with Bogus 'Mental Disorders'

Thank you so much to the CCHR for this amazing video. I am crying tears of happiness that there is some truth shining through the BS that people are put through today, especially our children. Our children are the future, we have to STOP labeling them and STOP labeling ourselves.

My mom just mentioned that she saw a law commercial for children who were born by mothers on antidepressants and how most of them didn't survive. Years ago, my "world reknowned" doctor told me I could be pregnant AND take effexor. Now the data is showing that baby's born to antidepressan-taking mothers come out with a liquified brain. That alone shows you the NEED for TRUTH in this day and age of media pushed, profit-first, health-second life.

I am asking myself that maybe if I saw this video at 15 I wouldn't have gone through what I did. My fight with antidepressants, labeling of pmdd, bipolar, major depression, pychosis, antipsychotics and more made me stronger, it made me who I am today. I am free of drugs and I am loving every moment of it... lets keep videos and TRUTHS like this prevalent in our society!

These type of truths save lives, and life is worth it.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Happiness is caring about yourself...

My husband and I have been on a "new lifestyle." We are not eating fried food, milk, ice cream, white grain, etc. I have realized that I need to care about my nutrition and it needs to be a permanent change. For the last week, we have been making that conscience change and I have felt better than ever. I even got my period and it wasn't as bad as it has been.

My withdrawals have been pretty good too. I haven't had a bad one in a while. I hope it stays this way. I am still having a little brain fog and fatigue, but it is very managable.

My goal now is to loose my extra pounds, work on my spirituality and maintain happiness by caring about myself and the people I love. I have been having beautiful moments of freedom knowing that I am no longer addicted to the antidepressant poisin. It is wonderful =)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Pasted from my Topix post

This is what I wrote on the "is my body ruined from effexor" topix. I just watched the entire hour and a half on the Anatomy of an Epidemic and it made me feel better. I thought I might as well put the post on here also:

"Thank you everyone for your posts. I have been off Effexor for 2 months now. I am still getting withdrawals in the form of anxiety, crying fits, tremors, heart palpations, worse pms and more. I looked up today how long these withdrawals would last and I found the webcast on the "anatomy of an epidemic" which helped me feel better. Information makes me feel better, not knowing is the worst. I have come to realize that this all started when I was 15 and asked the doctor what to do about my bad pms. In hindsight, my pms was nothing. It was mild crying and going through what every girl does around that time. When I turned 20 I experimented with marijuana and diet pills. It was hardly any too, it wasn't like I did it all the time. Soon after this I had a pyschotic break. They put me on antipychotics, antidepressants and mood stabalizers. They said I was bipolar and gave my mom the same BS about the chemicals in the brain being imbalanced. When I turned 21 I started Effexor after going to a rehab for depression. I started drinking non stop to mask the side effects of effexor. Once I met my husband, we stopped drinking and I realized how delusional my thinking was on Effexor. I wasn't myself, I was a drone. I also have been feeling a decline cognitively which has scared me. That is why I came off Effexor. I now feel better, I have a wonderful husband who helps me through it, but it is still there. The fear that Effexor and the other cocktail of drugs has ruined my body/brain since I was 15 is still there. I used to be extremely outgoing and ready to take on the world, now I am fearful that a withdrawal will strike at any time. I sometimes feel bad for my husband and people around me. I also feel very old, and I am only 28.

I am going to focus on my nutrition, exercise and love. I truly believe it is the only way to heal my body/brain from the trauma it was artifically given from a very young age. I have to let go of the hate I have for the medical field and doctors. If I do not it will eat me alive. This life is a test and I have to succeed in finding happiness. Maybe if we all try hard enough we can overcome the falseness of the media and medical field. Who knows? For now I will maintain trying and hoping that the withdrawals subside in time."

Protracted Withdrawal?

I have been off Effexor for almost 2 months. I have good days and bad days like usual. Last night I had a bout of tremors, it only lasted about 20 minutes. It went from shaking in my chest, to all over my body. Then I got very light headed. I decided today to look up how long it will take for my body to get better. I have been experiencing wanting to cry all the time, being fatigued all the time and unmotivated. I am trying hard to not be negative but sometimes it is unbarable. I have been reading about protracted withdrawal today and that some people have been off of it for 2 years and still do not feel fully healed. This is how I got to this:

Please watch the video above, it is long but it is extremely interesting. Basically he is saying we take small problems and exaserbate them into much larger ones like bipolar and get on cocktails of drugs. Also more about children being prescribed SSRIs and given a career of mental illness from the doctor at an early age. He also talks about the "magic bullet" and the chemical imbalance HYPOTHESIS which is not actually TRUTH. It is backed by clinical studies and actual DATA. Everything we are told is just a selling method. We are being slapped in the face by our own doctors everyday.

I am going to purchase Robert Whitakers book today.

I didn't want to get on a rant about it, but sometimes it is so hard to understand and comprehend how human nature could take such a turn for the worst. It is sad and disheartening and hopefully we will rise out of this horrible state of mind which is labeling people falsely and giving them drugs which hurt more than help.

I am scared. I don't want to have these withdrawal symptoms 2 or even 5 years down the road. Even worse, can they be permanent?

I am going to try to be positive and maintain the thought that life is a test. This is a test so that I will have to overcome it. I will write later, for now, please watch the video. I started crying when he said that the "chemical imbalance" is just a myth, it was proven to be not true. It feels good to hear the truth.

I always wonder if I never got on prosac when I was 15, would I be in this situation? Of course I wouldn't. I wish the worst for every doctor that freely prescribes these drugs, which is most.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Off Effexor, Prosac, Singulair and Advair!

I am completely off of all the evil drugs that pharm. companies give you for unbelievable reasons. There is definitely a price to getting off though...

I think the last day I took Effexor was Dec 30, and then a week later I got off of the Prozac. For about a week, it was pure bliss! I was so happy, felt great and everything went smoothly. After that week things got worse, I think it was because Prozac has a 5-7 day taper built in and after that week it was out of my system. I became incredibly depressed, crying and feeling horrible. My asthma was debilitating because I got off the advair and singulair also and supposedly they have withdrawal symptoms of their own. I know I said I didn't want to rush anything but I just yearned to be off of these pills asap, I am done with the negative side effects.

Anyway, my depression went away about 3 days ago and I have been feeling great mentally. Physically it is a different story. The last two days I have been experiencing heart palpations that I have never felt before. I feel like my heart is jumping around in my chest and I am going to throw it up. I hate this feeling, when I go to sleep it gets even worse. I am hoping and wishing that this goes away soon!

I also have dizziness, acne, diarrhea, fatigue and asthma. Beside that I am peachy, lol.

I am also about to get my period in 3 days. This is one of the first periods and pms in my life that I am getting without an antidepressant, as I was put on it when I was 15. I think my body is relearning how to cope with PMS. I have been looking up heart palpitations and it says it can be related to hormonal reasons. I hope this and the withdrawal I am still going through is the case. I have about 2 more months and I think the withdrawal symptoms will be better! I have read tons of places that they last about 3 months! Oh please don't let this be permanent, because I am HATING this feeling! If it doesn't get better soon, I might just have to call the doctor. I can't stand doctors. If it wasn't for doctors I wouldn't be having to spend a year of my life (my first year of marriage) getting off of these evil drugs and fighting to feel "normal" and better. I now know that I cannot trust doctors more than I can throw them. They are only vessels to obtain things you need, they shouldn't be listened to or praised.

So that is it. I have been having great days and very bad days. I guess that is better than having all bad days! I am constantly in disbelief that I am off all the drugs because it is a dream come true. The struggle is worth it because I truly believe that life will be 100% once I am clean.

Oh and about the advair, I have read horrible things about inhaled steroids. They basically slow down your immune system so that you do not have asthma as much but in the long run it is extremely bad for your health. Getting off of it was hard, for a week or so I had horrible tightness in my chest and bad asthma. I would rather get through the withdrawals than have it slow down my immune system though. I now know why I constantly had phlegm and a stuffy nose. Just like every drug that is being pushed, they cost tons of money every month and they are all just band aid effects which cause a lot of problems as we grow. I no longer want the band aid. I want the healthy life....

That is all for now, hopefully my next blog will be about how great I feel and that the withdrawals are gone! My pinkies are crossed.

Effexor and Irregular heartbeat - Topix

Effexor and Irregular heartbeat - Topix


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Extremely Interesting

This is why I quit college and my psychology degree:



Thursday, December 30, 2010

Cold and Coping

So it is almost New Years! It is actually New Years Eve and my resolution is to be off all pills. Who would have thought? haha

Sunday will be my last day of 5mg and then NO MORE EFFEXOR!!! Can you see the confetti falling? I am very happy!

I haven't had a terrible week. The withdrawals have been stable and the same everyday so it is easier to cope with. I have realized that in higher miligrams of the pill, the withdrawals were a lot more sporatic and scary. Now they tend to come at around midnight and last only for 30 minutes. I do take benydril and xanax to calm the withdrawals down and it helps tremendously. I have to say the scariest of all the withdrawals for me is the shakes and tremors. I am okay with being dizzy and nauseaus (to a point) but when I get the shakes, I get SO scared! It is almost like I am having a seizure but being conscious through it, my muscles just go crazy. Hopefully those are over for good! I also find a nice hot shower does the trick in calming my body down.

I am also getting off of Singulair. Today was my first day of stopping to take it. I decided to look it up today and a lot of the side effects are not worth taking it. I hope my asthma doesn't get too bad though. This year has been the best so far with the asthma, I haven't even had to take steriods! I think it is because of the supplements I have added to my diet. I also added Quercetin which is a flavonoid that has anti-inflammatory properties. I really think it is helping me a lot with the asthma and IBS as they are both inflammation diseases. As for the singulair, I hope it doesn't cause much trouble going off of it. I have been taking it for a long while. Guess what the side effects are? Weight gain and depression. Those are two things that I am trying to stay away from! I have also read that there are increased suicide rates when using Singulair because of the neurotransmitters that it affects. No thank you!!

Something positive happened today, in a weird way. My car's battery died and my husband and I cannot get into the door because the key is electrical. Ridiculous, I know. That doesn't sound like something postive, does it? But the reason I say it is positive is because I didn't freak out! For the first time in forever, I didn't have rage and irritation. I was okay, and hopefully this will be my new way. I will be okay.

Beside that, I have been freezing all day! Usually I have hot flashes, even in the coldest weather, but today everything from my fingers to toes have been cold! Maybe it is hormones that have been affected by the lowering Effexor? Maybe it is unrelated? Whatever it is... I like it =)

Happy New Year!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Petition to the makers of Effexor


I am number 23 THOUSAND something on this petition. They are still pushing these drugs when over 23 THOUSAND people are unable to function correctly and even accounts of death from this drug?

YouTube - Pink - Fucking Perfect Lyrics

YouTube - Pink - Fucking Perfect Lyrics

I love this song! It makes me think of all the people who go to the doctor and say "I have anxiety" or "I am sad sometimes" and they are prescribed these horrible antidepressants that ruin peoples life and they don't even know it!

"If you ever feel like you are nothing, you are perfect."

We are humans and it is fine to feel depressed sometimes, it is fine to have anxiety and this is LIFE. LIFE takes work and it requires patience, love and building yourself to become what you want to be. It should not require taking chemicals that are made by companies looking for money, not for the good of their customers. We need to build coping skills to live in this crazy life. There is no magic pill that will take away the reality of life!!

BTW, I am on 10mg of effexor and 10mg of prozac starting today! I got through the first week of 20mg effexor with 10mg prozac pretty well beside a few withdrawal attacks! I am hoping I do not get the withdrawals later as they come at night, but I am feeling really good today and I have been feeling better. I have a sense of excitement as I feel these pills leave my system! =)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


YouTube - In Memory of Indiana (Effexor Infant Death Antidepressants Pregnancy MOTHERS Act)

This is DISTURBING and DISGUSTING!!! I cannot believe my "reknowned" doctor looked me in the eyes and told me that I could be PREGNANT while on EFFEXOR. EVIL!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Prozac and chocolate

Well I made it through one of the worst withdrawals I have ever had and I am hoping and praying that it does happen again. Here are my symptoms that have been occurring nightly for the last couple weeks u deer 35mg:

-Rage: horrible fits of rage, even when I wake up in the morning and have nothing to be angry about. I get so bitter and so angry that I have a need to say horrible things. This in turn makes me very sad and I eventually start crying which again makes me angry! I read something today about the rage and short fuse which is so common to withdrawal. It said that the neurotransmitter that the withdrAwal of seretonin is affecting is the fight or flight response in our brain. So technically I am feeling such rage and irritation because the stress receptors in my brain are broken right now and trying to readapt themselves. I truly have an amazing husband to be able to cope with my constant bad attitude lately.
-Feeling like I am floating: this is a constant thing but it is easier to handle than the emotional effects.
-Menstrual problems: my period has always been normal, 28 days, one day of cramps, 5 days long, very predictable. The last two cycles have been HELL! I seem to have cramps 24 hours now and my period keeps stopping and starting. Before the period comes I have the most heightened pms symptoms I have ever experienced. Hopefully after I am off effexor it will normalize.
-dizziness and spinning when I lay down.
-anxiety and being scared
-trembling and shaking

So I have done some research and have decided to take 10mg of prozac along with the lower effexor dosage. I just don't see myself being able to do it another way. Today I took 20mg of Effexor and 10 of prozac, I will see if it helps later at night when the withdrawals are usually the worst.

Oh and I have been craving chocolate and lots of it, I learned today that when you are withdrawing your brain is low on lecithin which is in the chocolate. I have been wondering why all I want to do is eat chocolate all day. Actually I Want some right now.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Effexor Withdrawal --Doctors Lounge(TM)

Effexor Withdrawal --Doctors Lounge(TM)

Here I am again, searching for experiences from others to make me feel less insane. It is working I suppose. I want to hug all these people, because they know how I feel right now. The uncontrollable crying, and rage. I am so angry, so lifeless. I feel everything yet nothing at all.

I am terrified that I cannot get under 30mg without shaking and having tremors like I did last night. I also saw snow, my visual field was cloudy and blurry. I almost thought I was going blind. I thought I was having a heart attack. The brain shocks and other symptoms have been fine, I thought it wasn't as bad as I read, but then comes the 25mg. 25mg is like a shot to my brain.

I am depressed and I don't want to do anything. It is a constant roller coaster and I am thinking about taking Prozac to overcome these last doses. I have read it is easier to wean off effexor if you take the Prozac, then there is no withdrawal to that. I am so confused.

I am also getting my period and maybe that is why it is so bad. Last time I got my period I ended up in the emergency room a day before it came with the nausea and passing out. Is this going to be my pms for the rest of my life without Effexor? OR is this because of the withdrawals?

I didn't believe everything I read online about under 37.5mg being hell. I thought it would be the same as when I was at 80mg or 60mg...but its not...its living torture.

I would love to sue the hell out of these fucks that made this evil pill. The E-Bomb as my husband calls it. I have spent $500 a month on this POISON for 6 YEARS!! Just to find out it this is how it would be when coming off of it? Fucking world full of greedy pricks who just count the dollar signs instead of actually caring for people. Oh well.

Off to my husband's brother's wedding tomorrow, I am terrified that I will start shaking and trembling like I did last night at 3am, or I will have some crazy fit of rage. Maybe I will chug the sangria... :(


I haven't posted in a while. I am currently at 25mg, or 30mg, since I just popped a 5ml. I am terrified right now. It is 3 am. I couldn't sleep because I was nauseas and then I started tremboling like nothing I ever have before. My vision is cloudy, it is like there is snow. I can't even type right now...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Halloween and Evil Kiwis

It is Wednesday and I am on 50mg. That's right, 50. I skipped the 55mg because if I add on 5mg to all the rest of my pills then I am going to run out of beads. I am sure if I asked the pharmacist for a couple pills it might be do-able but I haven't been feeling too bad so I will see how it goes. I think I am seeing a pattern in the withdrawals and the doses. If I go down 5mg every week, the first week is fine and then the second week is hideous. It seems as if there is an acculation effect in that second week. So, I might just do 50mg this week, 45mg for two weeks, 40mg for a week, 35mg for two weeks and see how that goes. Maybe that will combat the pesky withdrawals.

I am feel better this week so far. I haven't been getting really irritable and when I do get irritable I find myself realizing that I am withdrawaling and stopping myself in the middle of it to feel better. My husband says my brain is regenerating itself and it is good that I am realizing those things, it shows improvement. Woot!

Anyway, Halloween was good, we had family over but it almost didn't happen. The night before my husband cut up Kiwis to marinade with the steaks. I had an extremely small sliver of it and I was up till 3am puking my guts out! What a horrible feeling! Immediately after I ate this evil fruit my mouth got red and itchy and then the "non stop" nausea and vomitting took place. We found out that last time I got like that I had a kiwi for dessert too, so I am definately allergic to kiwis!! At least we found out on a night that family wasn't over...that would not have been fun at all.

I am going to try to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. We have been having a terrible habit of sleeping too much in the morning and going to bed too late! It isn't good to take the effexor later in the day either, I feel the withdrawals more later. The withdrawals have been ranging from being hot with chills, flushing my skin, feeling like I have a fever when I don't, feeling spacey and of course the dreaded irratiblity!! The good news is I am officially 100mg below what I was a while ago... YIPEE!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fears and Crappy Feelings.

So I never made it down to 55mg. I am still doing 60mg for another week. Hopefully my body will normalize in the slightest bit before I go down to 55. I felt good yesterday physically, but mentally I was still a little off. Today is even worse I think. I feel like I am in a dreamy state where everything pisses me off. I don't even understand everything quite right today either, the only thing I do understand is how much people and ideas piss me off. I am also in severe self-doubt of myself, my life and my job. Everything that I could possibly think of today turns into something bad. I am fearful that I will feel this way forever and that Effexor has permanently affected me. I know that my brain is playing tricks on me. I know that my brain is regenerating itself and I am going to feel pains and mind-games for a little while. I just am having a hard time today. Actually the whole last week has been hard...

I feel bad for my husband because I get really angry at him. I constantly switch from being happy to feeling entitled, to feeling sad and depressed. Stupid me and my mouth. I constantly talk about how I feel which probably isn't that much fun for anyone, but it makes me feel better so I do it. Which again makes me feel annoyed at myself for being so selfish. It is all a self illusive circle of shit. To top it all off I have this headache from hell which feels "electric" if that makes any sense at all.

I am just not a happy person right now. Maybe it will get better soon... Maybe I will see all the amazing things I have to be happy for that I know exist. There are so many good things, that I am too bitch-sighted to see right now. Stupid effexor and it's annoying brain changing bull shit... anyone put on effexor should get disability...

I like this guy.

I love this guy's rant... makes my brain hurt, oh no..wait thats the effexor. F*CK

Lliam of toronto, ON May 11, 2010

what happened? some genius marketing guru realized that the best way to profit from illness was to make a drug that supposedly "relieves symptoms of depression" (nice cover) when the REAL deal is that they are systematically and PURPOSEFULLY addicting hordes of desperate, depressed people who feel trapped by their illness. This drug is WORSE than heroin, or meth.. both of which i have had experience with.. the withdrawal from heroin ONLY lasts a WEEk.. and that isnt even as bad as coming off of effexor.. at least from heroin you are only bedridden, shivering, sweating, vomiting, unable to move or talk.... take all those symptoms, multipoly them by 4, add these super fun and OH SO DESIRABLE body shocks (zaps, shivers, sprongs, whatever people call them) and stretch the duration out over SIX WEEKS.. and then you APPROACH a god description of effexor withdrawals..

Read more: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/rx/wyeth.html#ixzz13Pa4GFTN

Consumer complaints about Wyeth Effexor

I hate EFFEXOR!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!!! I feel like crap again today, yesterday was better and today is worse...when will this hell of a roller coaster ride END?!?!

Consumer complaints about Wyeth Effexor

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Arrrgh I want to scream

I have not posted in a long time due to the ups and downs of life. My husband quit his job and is now working with me. My mom is getting knee replacement surgery and time seems to fly by now more than ever. I decided to write in today because I am on day two of 60mg and I am only dropping 5mg a week. Last week I told my husband I was so happy because my withdrawals have been great, the dizziness and shocks have really turned down. Now comes this week, yesterday I was miserable. I had no energy, everything drove me crazy and I had to nap during the day to not burst. Today is even worse. I had to stop working and come to bed because I couldn't stop crying. I had an irrational fear of going crazy and I just have no motivation to work. Everything about work drives me crazy, the stupid people who ask irrelevant questions and the way things work which I usually do every day with no problem. Today it is different, today I am feeling forced to live and forced to have a happy attitude. My husband told me to relax and that I am freaking out about stupid things. This just makes me more mad. No one knows what I feel like right now. No one actually shares my pain because they are not in my head, I am alone. How depressing.

Hopefully I will feel better within a few days. Maybe this drop of effexor is a really bad one, maybe all the subtle drops have caught up with my brain and I am in the middle of a minor brain regenerating meltdown. Who knows. At least the dizziness and the shocks are gone. However I might trade those back for this feeling of not being able to take simple things that happen and always wanting to cry. Someday I will feel better. Someday my brain will be healed off this roller coaster of regeneration and I will be better, right? That is what I keep hoping.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Feeling Good

So I picked up my LAST prescription of Effexor. I took a good 2 hours and finished making all my capsules ready for the coming weeks. I have decided to drop by increments of 5mg from after 80mg. So for this week, I will start taking 80mg on Monday and then 75mg the next week, 70mg, and so on. I decided to do that basically because my withdrawals have been very bad lately. I am not sure if this has to do with an accumulation effect of all the lowered doses, the going under 100mg or what. But I will say it again that I am not in a race and my mind + body are healing so going slow will not hurt. My sick stomach has gotten a lot better and I am eating normally. I still have the electric shock feelings but they seem to be subsiding also. I can't wait to be free of Effexor. It will be a nice feeling to never see those capsules and beads ever again. I found a really good way of counting the beads though. I basically dump everything out onto a bright red towel so I can see the white beads better. I take an empty capsule to pick up the beads and transfer them into little 20mg piles. Then I count out the piles and organize them into the correct milligram of capsule. I used to use a method of folding a sheet of paper and dumping the beads onto the crack so that they roll into the capsule after I count them. I found it was a lot harder to count and keep track. I also like the fact that I know how many piles there are. I am a little OCD about the beads because I have read even 1mg change in the daily doses can produce effects to certain people. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that hardly have withdrawal symptoms from dropping at even larger doses than 10mg a week. Those people are the lucky ones! For me though, I am happy I took the time out to count those little bugger beads. I ended up having a bunch of little craft bags that I wrote "70mg, 75mg, etc" on with 7 capsules each in them for each week. Oh and here is a link to the capsules I purchased to fill with the beads:


They have worked out just perfectly. They are a great size and not of cheap quality. The price was pretty great too for a quantity of 500!

Good luck to all those fellow bead counters out there and goodnight =) Onto 80mg tomorrow morning!!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The week from hell

I will try to make this short as it is almost 4am and I really should get some sleep. I haven't had the best week in my life. I am actually still on 90mg, I haven't dropped to 80mg as I was supposed to because I didn't think I could handle it this week. Monday was a terrible day for me. Sunday night I felt just fine until I woke up around 6am, feeling very strange. I ended up vomiting and passing out. I thought I had food poisoning. The rest of the day I tried sleeping, calming down and keeping fluids down but nothing was helping. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I kept throwing up and I was so weak I was trembling. I think I was having extreme anxiety also. Anyway, I ended up going to the emergency room still thinking I had food poisoning. They said it couldn't be food poisoning because it was past the amount of time, I must have something else wrong with me. So sitting there, very anxious, the nurse gives me an IV and takes my blood. Right after that I passed out, started shaking and woke up by vomiting. Pretty picture huh? The nurse said I had a seizure. My husband told the nurse about my Effexor withdrawal and he said that was what was wrong with me. I still thought it was so strange thought that my dosing has been going fine and I haven't been feeling horrible except for a some normal withdrawal symptoms. Eventually after waiting a painful 6 hours in the emergency room the doctor told me I didn't have a seizure, that I just passed out and my limbs were shaking because my muscles were tense and weak. He said I had a stomach virus and the Effexor withdrawal probably has nothing to do with it. They gave me some fluids, nausea pills and I went on my way. Since then I have had two bad days of eating, feeling sick and dizzy. Today was my first good day until the night time. Around the time I was suppose to sleep I felt anxious and dizzy, and that is why I am still up at 4am researching Effexor withdrawal. So I am wondering, do you think that my experience in the ER was directly related to the withdrawal? Or was the doctor right in saying it had no coorelation? Maybe even the withdrawal has made my immune system get lower so I had a bad reaction to a normal stomach virus sickness? I guess I will never know, but I am hoping that the vomiting, passing out thing never happens again!! I will be dropping to 80mg on Monday since I have been feeling better, but lets see how the weekend treats me first.

I am definitely going to sleep now! Typing has made me tired =)

Effexor-Splitting Capsules Method - ABC Homeopathy Forum

I found something interesting and want to share. I have had a difficult week, I will write more about it tomorrow. I will try and get to sleep before it gets later.

Effexor-Splitting Capsules Method - ABC Homeopathy Forum

"The real question is:

Was today better or worse than yeterday?

If today was worse, then I'd take 3 or 4 days of 5mg. I know that sounds silly, but adding another week to getting off succesfully is worth it. There are many posts in the 85page main effexor discussion which complain of the same thing. Once you get to zero for good, there will STILL be some issues, sometimes for months. You just need them to be tolerable. So, imagine your symptoms gradually disappearing over the course of 45 days. Can you make it? If not, you should try and get your life back by dosing for a while at 5mg. Your goal is to accept the withdral as inevitable in the end. (it does go away, with time) If the withdrawl is too much for that, then go back and taper down some more. "

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's 2am

Well it is 2 am and I am not sleeping. I have always been a night owl so it's not too terrible. I do however have very bad asthma tonight. I have been having an increasing amount of asthma the last week or so. I have also been waking up to my nose running everywhere and my lips bleeding. I have found that "carmex" works wonders for my poor swollen lips. I wonder if one day I won't have these constant lip, sinus and asthma problems as bad as I have had. I searched google for asthma being a side effect of Effexor withdrawal and guess what? It is! Of course it is...everything is a side effect of withdrawal from Effexor. This is a drug made in hell.

Today is my first day of 90mg and it went well enough. I was very fatigued and around 8pm I started feeling extremely strange, anxious and unreal. I felt one big tremor in my head which I think is the "brain shocks" that people speak of. I ended up taking a xanax to calm my anxiety. It worked very well. I don't like taking xanax, it makes me feel very lethargic, but this time it was worth it. Hopefully tomorrow I won't have such bad symptoms. If I do I will handle it though because I have to keep telling myself that this is not a race and my brain is healing. Healing is painful sometimes.

I'm going to go lay down and try to sleep. I think my asthma seems to be getting better, thank God!

Thursday, September 2, 2010


I haven't posted in a while. I have been meaning to but I haven't gotten around to it. Currently I am on 100mg and I can feel it. Here is my current list of withdrawal symptoms:

- Nausea (this is usually accompanied with an anxiety attack)
- Anxiety (I find if I don't eat dinner early enough I start to get very anxious because of the dizziness, nausea and weird feelings)
- Rash (Little tiny dots all over my body which get really itchy at night, they are similar to the rash I had when I first started taking it)
- Lips Swollen (My lips are SO painful!!! They are swollen, cracked and dry. Every time I eat it hurts worse, sometimes feels like they are going to explode)
- Stuffy Nose (non-stop stuffy nose, so bad that I can't smell anything and I sleep with my mouth open which makes it dry and makes my lip worse, vicious cycle!)
- Irritability (I think this is mostly from my general feeling of crappiness, but I get really irritated and don't want to do anything)
- Fatigue (Tired all day, lack of concentration)
- Insomnia (I can't sleep when I want to sleep and it makes me really tired in the morning)

I think that is about it. I think I felt a "electric shock" for the first time the other day. It was like a warm lightening feeling in my head, went away very quickly but it was still unpleasant.

It is amazing what doctors are allowed to prescribe. This stuff is poison.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Can't Sleep

I have had a bad day today. Actually a bad last couple days. I have been very emotional and the strange feelings have elevated. I am currently on 120mg dose and I should be going to 110mg tomorrow morning. I think I am going to stick with the 120mg though until these feelings of strangeness go away. I do not want to get stuck in a withdrawal pattern of bad feelings ontop of bad feelings that haven't had time to peak and subside. If that makes sense. I started to see a pattern of about 2-3 days of no symptoms, then on the 4th day symptoms (mostly dizziness, irritablity, emotional and flu like syptoms.) They would last until about the 7th day and then subside. Until of course this dose which I was sure I would feel better today (7th day) but I still feel the bad effects. So hopefully it will only take a couple more days.

I just took a benadryl and I am hoping that it will make me sleep soon. I am thinking about taking a shower to relax me too. I have been waking up crying lately and thinking bad things. Right now I have this sense of doom coming over me which is very annoying. I also have the chills, a headache that has lasted 3 days and my senses are not all there. Wow! Who would have known someday when I would be happy enough to stop effexor that I would have to battle this. It helps me to think it is not me though, it is the drug...

I will write again once I have overcome some of these symptoms and I go down to the 110mg!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Here is another good link I am currently reading:
| the Effexor Activist|

I found this because I searched for "effexor and irritability." I started the 130mg yesterday. So far I have had a bad stomach, terribly stuffy and running nose, fatigued and the worst: irritability! I feel okay with the other symptoms but this irritability is making me angry! haha, Go figure right? It seems as if everything anyone does or even what I do myself makes me get annoyed. I am trying to tell myself it isn't me but even that annoys me. I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a while. My mom thinks I am PMSed, which very well could be because I am on day 20 of my cycle. I am known to have horrible pms symptoms every month. I read somewhere that Effexor makes these symptoms even worse and brings on heavier periods. I am excited to someday get to see if things change once I am off of it. Till then, I am going to pour myself another cup of coffee and take it slow.

Rant of the day:
I love my mom so very much, but I am not telling her that I am getting off of the Effexor until many months after I am off of it. I had to do that when I got off of my Trileptol also, which she took perfectly fine because she saw me happy. I am afraid that she would see certain aspects of my withdrawal symptoms and say that I immediately need to get back on them. My mom was the one who was right there with me when I went through my episode and the rough patch in my life. She is the one who tried everything in her power to make me whole again and would pay any amount to make me happy. Being there and seeing me in pain and not knowing how to stop it put her through hell. This is why I cannot tell her just yet. She does so much for my elderly family and everyone else that she doesn't deserve having to have to worry if being off the Effexor will make me "go crazy" again. I am in a calm loving part of my life and this drug is no longer needed, with all of its symptoms and dysfunctions. I have my husband, who is my rock, through this experience and I can tell that he is proud of me for having the courage to battle these withdrawals. Another reason I cannot tell my mom is that she is too trusting in doctors. Not to say that there isn't any good doctors, but most of them just don't know everything. Most of them are blinded by the hell that antidepressants are putting most people through and they don't even begin to know anything about the withdrawal. When telling my mom that I couldn't have a child unless I am off of Effexor, she argued that the doctor said it was perfectly fine. Again, I am not in any way having a child growing inside of me who is "hooked" on Effexor. The baby will undoubtedly suffer withdrawal symptoms straight out of the womb, which will in effect permanently damage parts of child's life. When a baby is growing inside the womb and then born, the brain is in its developing stages. Just imagine the effect of a brain developing while in a mist of antidepressant withdrawal effects. It seems too terrible to think about! This is why I cannot tell her, because someday when I am free of the Effexor and on my way to motherhood, she will see the reasons why I decided to do this, which is easier than explaining the facts which I have researched for quite a while now.

The last time I tried to get off of Effexor was when I was taking 300mg. I didn't research withdrawal effects at all. I wanted a change. So I just quit taking them! This was right after a break up with a boyfriend and I was working at the mall. I remember feeling depersonalized and manic. I also felt over emotional at times and ended up crying hysterically. My mom knew that I stopped taking the Effexor and called the doctor to tell him. Eventually I had to be hospitalized because I wouldn't speak, I felt crazy... again. They gave me a shot and it knocked me out, then I woke up the next day and took 150mg of Effexor and felt perfectly fine. I had to stay in the hospital for about 2-3 days to be monitored. It was such a strange experience going from feeling "crazy" and almost psychotic again to feeling completely normal the next day. I didn't know it at the time but I was having severe Effexor withdrawals with all the side effects! I remember staring at the floor, trembling and being terrified of my own body. I don't even think it was a week from when I stopped taking them that this all took place. As I am reading the books on antidepressant withdrawal and seeing stories of other's withdrawal experience I realized that was what it was. It makes me feel better that I didn't have another psychosis which is what I thought it was in the first place. At least that will not happen now because of all the research, books and slow withdrawal that I am doing. It is better safe than sorry!

I am very happy that I am doing the bead method instead of dropping to the next capsule amount which is 75mg. I know my doctor would prescribe that for me. I am already feeling withdrawal symptoms, yet tolerable. I would be a mess if I took such a large leap from 150mg to 75mg! Everyone’s biochemistry is different and I bet many people have done this successfully, but I know it wouldn't have turned out well for me. If there is anyone reading this who has taken a large drop, let me know how it turned out for you.

I am going to get back to work. I will post more later!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Information and Rants

It is day five of my withdrawing and I am still on a relatively high dose but I like to think of anything as an accomplishment. The headache has left completely but I woke up today feeling extremely dizzy and woozy. I was also very anxious and irritable last night but got over it quickly with some relaxation. Overall it isn't too bad.

I am in no way an expert on withdrawing because I have only been using the bead method for almost a week, but I have gained a lot of great knowledge from posts and books like the Antidepressant Solution. Here is some notes that I would like to share:

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANT “COLD TURKEY”: Withdrawal symptoms are your brain cells regenerating themselves, though they are unpleasant, there is almost no way to get around it. Depending on your unique body chemistry, you may have better or worse withdrawal symptoms. However, no one should stop taking the dose they are on “cold turkey” no matter how strong your will might be. Doing this can cause severe problems and even life-long side effects. The side effects of withdrawing off of Effexor or any antidepressant are because your brain is literally changing and reshaping its way of functioning. Different antidepressants are designed to boost different chemical messengers. Take Effexor for example, it uptakes your serotonin and norepinephrine depending on the dose. Your brain has to adapt. This is why it takes 3 or more weeks for the effects to kick in, your brain needs time. There is no reason why your brain wouldn’t need time when you are coming off of the drug. Stopping suddenly is like running a triathlon without training your body. Your brain needs new “training” so that it can learn how to function with the diminishing dose of the antidepressant. I have noticed that people who get the severe “electric shock” sensations are usually the ones who drop the dose too suddenly or stop cold turkey. Those are brain cells and nerves firing because it wasn’t properly trained enough to handle without the dose it is used to. There is no test to find out what that electric sensation is doing and if it will cause any form of brain cell or nerve damage. This is a reason good enough to NOT stop cold turkey and take the route of slowly tapering off.
Effexor can show its withdrawal symptoms within 1-2 days of missing a dose: Effexor has a very short half-life. A half-life is how long it takes for half of the dose to be eliminated from your body. This is why withdrawal symptoms happen from even missing one dose. I have realized that a lot of my side effects of Effexor were probably due to me taking it at different times of the day. The half-life is about 5 hours, so my body was constantly in limbo. This is why you should always take it at the same exact time of the day. Same thing for tapering off. Also drink a lot of water to help eliminate faster. This way your withdrawal symptoms will peak and subside so that you can start your next lower dose without a worsening of symptoms.
If your withdrawal symptoms are severe, wait for them to subside: As I mentioned about drinking water to help eliminate faster, you shouldn’t allow the withdrawal symptoms to fall into the next dose. Once again your brain needs time to re-adjust itself. Once the withdrawal symptoms peak (usually 1-2 days) you should pay attention to how you feel. If your withdrawal symptoms are not bad and tolerable, then feel free to move onto the next lower dose. If the symptoms are so severe that you cannot function the same, you need to slow down and give it another week on the same dose. This is the only way to prevent a worsening of the overall withdrawal.

My rant of the day:

Doctors prescribe antidepressants because of the belief that a person has a faulty neurotransmitter activity in the brain which is not allowing enough of the “good chemicals” (serotonin, etc) to get in. Prescribing an antidepressant is supposed to delay the neurotransmitter to function which in turn will increase the levels of serotonin, norepinephrine, etc. This is supposed to elevate your mood because serotonin reuptake receptor was not working correctly and you had a chemical imbalance in your brain. All of us with the diagnosis of manic depressants or bipolar have heard it before. This is what gets me. When you were described the antidepressant for your “chemical imbalance,” what test was done to see that you truly had this imbalance they speak of? In most cases the doctor talks to you for half an hour and makes a blatant assumption that your brain isn’t working correctly. Once, while in a psych ward, I asked the doctor how he knew that I had a chemical imbalance and he told me I was being difficult. I agree that I there are people who do have imbalances, but to this day there is no test to tell us where or what that imbalance is. So why is it so easy to prescribe something that will change your brain and nervous system’s entire way of functioning? This is something that won’t be soon changed because of the high price of antidepressants and the vast majority of lobbyists, but it needs to be addressed sooner than later. Until then, we just have to fight for our rights, speak what we believe and remember to not trust every word we hear. Do your own research and come to a conclusion through questions, self-examination and persistence. Don’t trust someone simply because of their authority position. That is truly the only way out of this over-medicated hole we have dug ourselves into.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Head pain and Hungry

So I started the 140mg dose on Monday along with my new supplements. I really didn't think I would feel a thing different since it is only 10 effexor beads! So far it is going okay, but I definitely am feeling things. On the first day, I felt a strange feeling of sharp, fast vertigo. It went away very quickly but for a second it made my entire world spin. On Tuesday, I felt very dizzy again and SUPER hungry. Apparently this is a side effect because I am not the type to snack a lot or enjoy eating in between meals. My husband picked me up a bunch of snacks and I ate them like I was high. It felt just like the munchies! I am actually hungry right now too.. I hope this doesn't keep up. I have been working out everyday though and trying to eat right. I have also been very fatigued, it could be from getting up earlier than usual, but I just feel weak all the time. Today feels the worse so far, I just feel uneasy and a bit anxious. I am hoping today is the worst and it peaks now so that I can continue on reducing every Monday.

I am still reading this incredible book, "The Antidepressant Solution" and it makes me feel better. Anyone taking an antidepressant from paxil, prozac, effexor, zoloft and so on should read this book. Even if you are not ready to get off of the antidepressant, it will give you some good information on what is to come. I wish that there was a way for doctors to be made to read this book or do research on antidepressant withdrawal, it could save people! I get so discouraged when I hear that doctors are handing out antidepressants like candy to anyone that has a headache or a single anxious feeling. These pills are not safe and they do have serious side effects. If I see one more commercial saying "non habit forming" I will scream. If you cannot wean off of them in a timely matter without going through hell, then yes FDA they are habit forming. Once again I get cynical, but it feels good to let it out. The more people tell their story and tell the world how they feel, the more they will get smarter on not trusting every magic pill or word the doctor says.

Off to try and relax my headache away...

Friday, July 30, 2010

Calendar and Bead Counting

I have decided to start my withdrawal on August 2nd, not the 1st since it falls on a Sunday. I also have decided that I am going to be using the bead removal method decreasing 10mg a week until I reach my goal of NO EFFEXOR! I made an excel file with the exact count of balls and time I will be doing each, I will post a picture below. I am also going to be dropping more slowly when I reach the 30mg dosage since I have been frequently seeing that the withdrawals start to get worse around this dosage. I will only take out 5mg per week when I get to 30mg. So it will take me about 4 months to completely withdrawal. November 28th will be my last day! Here is a sample of what one of my calendars look like:

For example on August 2nd I will be taking 140mg which is 140 Balls, I will have removed 10 balls in one capsule. On the 31st I will be down to 100mg and 100 Balls, taking out 50 balls. I will be sure to count the balls in the capsule because the effexor xr generic has significantly less balls, which I think is better. I read somewhere that the non-generic has about 400 balls? All I know is that I am taking it slow. I am using this method because I know the effects of withdrawal that I felt from just missing a single dose of Effexor. It wasn't fun. Speaking of side effects, I was just thinking about making a list of the "strange feelings" that I have been having for the last 6 years on Effexor. Here are a couple I thought of:

  • Vertigo & Dizziness - Contstantly feeling like my ears are full and my equillibrium is off. This was even worse when I was taking trileptol. So bad that I couldn't go into large stores like home depot, the isles would make me too dizzy. Now it is better, but still there.
  • Nausea
  • IBS - I am not sure if this is a life long one or due to Effexor
  • Foggy Mind/Confusion - I have always been quick to thoughts and such, I have noticed and it has gotten progressively worse that I don't think as clearly as I used to. I sometimes have a very hard time finding a specific word.
  • Sweating - I sweat constantly and I also get hot flashes.
  • Anxiety - I grew up being very social and not having much anxiety. Ever since I started antidepressants I find myself being anxious talking to strangers and sometimes even friends/family. I get this feeling of being uptight.
  • Feeling my heart jump - This doesn't happen all the time, but I do get it enough to talk about it. I sometimes feel this faint tremor or funny beating which happens only for a second or two.
  • Headaches - I remember having my first "migraine" in the rehab right after starting Effexor/other drugs. I have learned to live with this splitting pain in usually half of my head every time I get a headache.

That is about it. I'm sure there is more and I'm sure that I will think of them later.

For now I am going to go buy a weekly medicine holder so that I can open my capsules ahead of time and make weekly batches. I'm thinking this will help me not make any mistakes!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Vitamins and Supplements

I just ordered these vitamin/supplements from amazon:

  • Solaray - B-Complex, 100 mg, 100 capsules
  • Vitamin C 1000mg Two Stage Time Release - 250
  • Ultra Omega-3 (500 EPA / 250 DHA) 180 sgels
  • Source Naturals Magnesium Malate, 1250 mg, Tablets, 360 tablets

I am hoping these help in my journey to withdrawal! I have done a lot of reading from others who have had the experience and took tidbits from them on what to do. I appreciate the vast amount of people who are making posts and blogs about Effexor withdrawals and congratulate those who have successfully come off of it! Your posts make me strong.

Here is another link to posts I have been reading:

More later...

Books, Schedules and Checklists

I am reading a book called "The Antidepressant Solution." It has great detail on how to successfully taper off a wide variety of drugs. I have also found some good links today on people going through similiar withdrawals:

I am going to use the bead method for tapering off Effexor. I cannot decide how to do it yet, whether it be 3 beads a day or 10 per week. I do know that I have an amazing husband who is willing to stand by my side even if I "go crazy" as I told him. Without him I fear I would have been on this addictive drug forever.

I have decided that I will be doing a check list every day of withdrawal symptoms to monitor how I feel. I will also be allowing my body to taper correctly, meaning I will not go down to a lower dose unless I feel stable enough to do so. I have read that many times you will feel the effects of tapering happening too quickly. Which makes me think I will be doing the 10 beads per week. I have counted the beads in my generic effexor XR 150mg and there are 150 beads. They are all around the same size. I noticed about 5 which are smaller, but I don't think that matters that much. So apparently there is 1mg in each bead. So on the first week I will be at 140mg, then 130mg and so on. If I feel significant symptoms of withdrawal during any week, I will wait antoher week to taper it down. This is not a race and it took 6 years of my life being on this drug, I don't expect to feel wonderful too quickly without it.

Oh, I am also going on a new schedule routine. I am infamously bad with schedules. I go to sleep late, I wake up late and I don't eat at proper times. I want to change these things. I decided to make a schedule that includes eating, working out, working on my business and relaxing, etc. I believe that following a structure will make the withdrawal effects less noticable. I will be focusing more on my new schedule than only on how I feel. That is what I am hoping for. Plus, the exercising/eating better will help me shed some pounds that I have definately gained in the last few years.

All and all I am exicted for this new change.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Happy Pill Story

It is July 28th, 2010. I am going to start tapering off Effexor XR 150mg on August 1st. I am excited about this and also scared. I am at the point that I am ready to be free of drugs though. I am finally at a point in my life that is calm. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful future to make happen. The tapering of this drug is going to take me a few months. I have been researching and reading so many message boards and blogs on "effexor withdrawal" that I decided to make one myself. I want to share my story with others that are going through the same thing I am. I want to spread the truth about antidepressants and other drugs that we are being lied to everyday about from our doctors. The doctors don't know any better though; they only know what they are told by the companies with the money. They know what the girls in business outfits give them samples of.

I am going to stop being cynical and get back to the reason I am writing. I have decided that I am going to take control of my life and embrace my true happiness. Here is a little back story about me:

When I was 15, I was prescribed Serefem (which is basically prozac) for "PMDD." PMDD was supposed to be causing my bad cramps and emotional times around my period. I truly think that PMDD was just made up to sell more prozac. It didn't affect me much, my teenage years were okay. I was prone to depression but I thought it was normal. Then when I turned 20 I became manic after taking small doses of amphetamines (diet pills) mixed with smoking weed and having high ups (my business making a lot of money) and very low downs (my grandma dying and my father in general.) I was going through a lot of emotions too quickly and wanting more out of life. I wanted to work hard, study more, party more, love more. I just wanted more. Soon enough I was in the hospital with full blown "psychosis" and a diagnosis of Bipolar. It is completely accurate that I went through psychosis. That was a journey that was unlike no other and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. However, I don't regret it. I wouldn't be who I am today unless these things happened to me. Anyway, I was in and out of psych wards and holding buildings due to my family thinking I was a harm to myself. The doctors couldn't come up with a diagnosis for a long time, which is why I don't truly believe I am "bipolar." I believe I went through psychosis. In actuality, if psychosis happened to me in the 40s I would have probably been doomed in able and had a lobotomy. If it happened to me 20 years ago they would have labeled me "schizophrenic." Bipolar is just the new way of saying your crazy in my view. So why did I go through psychosis? Anyone can go through psychosis for a variety of reasons. I have done my research and it seems to me that psychosis is a re-evaluation of your brain. It is simply your ego restarting itself. I read a book about psychosis and it helped me greatly see that I wasn't the outcast I believed myself to be. It actually made me happy that I went through the experience to come out the better person I am today.

Onto the pill part. I have taken a lot of drugs. Antipsychotics, antidepressants, etc. I was on geodon, cymbolta, serefem (prozac), effexor, trileptol and trazadone. I am probably forgetting some but I will digress. The antipsychotics took me out of my psychosis but they made me feel like a child and a zombie. Eventually I kept having more episodes of severe depression. It wasn't quite psychosis, it was being suicidal. I felt like no one truly understood me. I felt like others would be afraid of me if I told them what I went through. I thought that my family was afraid of me "going crazy" again. I just didn't want to exist most of the time. I am sure the side effects of the drugs had a lot to do with the suicidal feeling, but doctors still said it was because I was bipolar and a bipolar person gets extremely high and extremely low, being in the extreme low would cause suicidal thoughts. Whatever. Sounds logical, but after going through an experience and now experiencing the side effects of antipsychotics, and antidepressants, I was probably just not in the mood to live, strange as it sounds. Eventually I started drinking a lot and kept ending up in the same holding place for being who were suicidal and harm to themselves. My family found a rehab that said they took in people who were majorly depressed. They also did drug addicts and eating disorders. I ended up staying there for 30 days. This is when I was put on effexor for depression, trileptol for mood stabilization and trazadone for insomnia. I felt the normal side effects of all of them but my doctor said I had to keep taking them to feel the good effects. I became stable and not suicidal by the time I left the rehab. I still wasn't right though. It is hard to explain but I felt strange. I swallowed my strange feelings and went on with my life. I promised myself that I wouldn't "go crazy" again and these strange feelings are just part of who I am as a person. I still thought that going through psychosis that there must be something chemically wrong with me so of course I will feel strange. In actuality I think now it is the side effects for the drugs that I have been on for 6 years now. Don't get me wrong, I think it was probably right to put me on these drugs at this time in my life as it is for many. I think that the drugs gave me a "bandaid effect" which helped me hurdle the depression I had for my experience through psychosis. I just wish that my doctor would have told me the withdrawal effect of Effexor. This is why I am writing this blog.

I have successfully come off of trileptol and trazadone last year. My husband noticed that my vertigo and sense of claustrophobia went away after I stopped taking the trileptol. My "mood stabilizer" wasn't even stabilizing my mood; it was just making me dizzy, dizzy and anxious. I found out that the dose I was on wasn't even high enough to do what it was suppose to do; it was only high enough to give me the side effects. Trileptol wasn't hard to come off of, nor trazadone. I still have the trazadone that I periodically take when I can't sleep. I really don't like doing that though, so I will probably stop. Onto: Effexor. My doctor originally said that I would be able to come off of all the drugs except for Effexor. He said I should take this drug for the rest of my life. At the time I didn't care so I didn't question him. He even said in the future when I get pregnant I could be on effexor and it would be fine. Really? I didn't feel that terrible so I thought maybe Effexor was my wonder drug. The strange feelings were still there, but I was happy none-the-less. I met the love of my life and realized that we might someday have a child. I was happy to think that I could still be on my wonder drug while being pregnant someday in the future. So then why would I want to taper off my wonderdrug? A few weeks back I ran out of my prescription of Effexor and was given the generic for the first time. I am not sure if that matters or not but I accidentally forgot to take it ONE day. I didn't realize it until later in the night when I started having those "strange feelings" of mine but elevated. They were all there, the nausea, the high feeling, the ice cold sweating; feeling like my brain was going through some kind of crazy shock treatment. I then realized I didn't take my medication and went to the computer to look up what happens when you miss ONE SINGLE DOSE of Effexor. I was shocked to see the vast amounts of message boards, blogs and answer sites that had people saying how terrible they felt on withdrawal of Effexor. Even missing one single dose can put someone through complete hell for 2 weeks. I decided that this is no way to live life. When someday my husband and I decide to have a child, I will definately not put that child through the hellish withdrawal from effexor straight out of the womb. I feel so bad for all of you who have been given Effexor for simple things such as headaches and slight anxiety. I will get through this though, and I hope everyone who tries to withdrawal does successfully and posts their stories to help others who have been blindsided to believe in the wonder drugs of society. I will post more later on how I will start my withdrawal from Effexor.