Irritablity

Here is another good link I am currently reading:
| the Effexor Activist|

I found this because I searched for "effexor and irritability." I started the 130mg yesterday. So far I have had a bad stomach, terribly stuffy and running nose, fatigued and the worst: irritability! I feel okay with the other symptoms but this irritability is making me angry! haha, Go figure right? It seems as if everything anyone does or even what I do myself makes me get annoyed. I am trying to tell myself it isn't me but even that annoys me. I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a while. My mom thinks I am PMSed, which very well could be because I am on day 20 of my cycle. I am known to have horrible pms symptoms every month. I read somewhere that Effexor makes these symptoms even worse and brings on heavier periods. I am excited to someday get to see if things change once I am off of it. Till then, I am going to pour myself another cup of coffee and take it slow.

Rant of the day:
I love my mom so very much, but I am not telling her that I am getting off of the Effexor until many months after I am off of it. I had to do that when I got off of my Trileptol also, which she took perfectly fine because she saw me happy. I am afraid that she would see certain aspects of my withdrawal symptoms and say that I immediately need to get back on them. My mom was the one who was right there with me when I went through my episode and the rough patch in my life. She is the one who tried everything in her power to make me whole again and would pay any amount to make me happy. Being there and seeing me in pain and not knowing how to stop it put her through hell. This is why I cannot tell her just yet. She does so much for my elderly family and everyone else that she doesn't deserve having to have to worry if being off the Effexor will make me "go crazy" again. I am in a calm loving part of my life and this drug is no longer needed, with all of its symptoms and dysfunctions. I have my husband, who is my rock, through this experience and I can tell that he is proud of me for having the courage to battle these withdrawals. Another reason I cannot tell my mom is that she is too trusting in doctors. Not to say that there isn't any good doctors, but most of them just don't know everything. Most of them are blinded by the hell that antidepressants are putting most people through and they don't even begin to know anything about the withdrawal. When telling my mom that I couldn't have a child unless I am off of Effexor, she argued that the doctor said it was perfectly fine. Again, I am not in any way having a child growing inside of me who is "hooked" on Effexor. The baby will undoubtedly suffer withdrawal symptoms straight out of the womb, which will in effect permanently damage parts of child's life. When a baby is growing inside the womb and then born, the brain is in its developing stages. Just imagine the effect of a brain developing while in a mist of antidepressant withdrawal effects. It seems too terrible to think about! This is why I cannot tell her, because someday when I am free of the Effexor and on my way to motherhood, she will see the reasons why I decided to do this, which is easier than explaining the facts which I have researched for quite a while now.

The last time I tried to get off of Effexor was when I was taking 300mg. I didn't research withdrawal effects at all. I wanted a change. So I just quit taking them! This was right after a break up with a boyfriend and I was working at the mall. I remember feeling depersonalized and manic. I also felt over emotional at times and ended up crying hysterically. My mom knew that I stopped taking the Effexor and called the doctor to tell him. Eventually I had to be hospitalized because I wouldn't speak, I felt crazy... again. They gave me a shot and it knocked me out, then I woke up the next day and took 150mg of Effexor and felt perfectly fine. I had to stay in the hospital for about 2-3 days to be monitored. It was such a strange experience going from feeling "crazy" and almost psychotic again to feeling completely normal the next day. I didn't know it at the time but I was having severe Effexor withdrawals with all the side effects! I remember staring at the floor, trembling and being terrified of my own body. I don't even think it was a week from when I stopped taking them that this all took place. As I am reading the books on antidepressant withdrawal and seeing stories of other's withdrawal experience I realized that was what it was. It makes me feel better that I didn't have another psychosis which is what I thought it was in the first place. At least that will not happen now because of all the research, books and slow withdrawal that I am doing. It is better safe than sorry!

I am very happy that I am doing the bead method instead of dropping to the next capsule amount which is 75mg. I know my doctor would prescribe that for me. I am already feeling withdrawal symptoms, yet tolerable. I would be a mess if I took such a large leap from 150mg to 75mg! Everyone’s biochemistry is different and I bet many people have done this successfully, but I know it wouldn't have turned out well for me. If there is anyone reading this who has taken a large drop, let me know how it turned out for you.

I am going to get back to work. I will post more later!